I am *such* an awful mother. Seriously. It’s embarrassingly appalling.
So here’s the whole story…
Bobo and Dippy decided to play cops and robbers outside in the dark. First of all, what sort of mother lets her kids play outside in the dark?
But wait, before I go on, my husband specifically told me that he did not want to let the kids get a trampoline because Dippy *always* gets hurt when we have one. So even though the trampoline wasn’t directly involved, I think it may still be to blame somehow because this happened two weeks after bringing that thing home.
ANYWAYS, I was in my room trying to figure the odds on whether Julie Austin will come to the Bloomin’ Fun Bluedorn Ball or not, when all of a sudden I heard shrieking and crying and wailing coming from the cage (that’s what we call the closed-in porch). So amidst all the shrieking, my kids all start yelling at me, “MOM! STAY IN YOUR ROOM, YOU DO *NOT* WANT TO SEE THIS!!”
So my elbows and knees went all oogelly gooogelly and then finally Coie came in and pronounced, “Ok, we need to take Dip to the ER. He’s gonna need a bunch of stitches”. Shudder Shudder.
This is when I learned that during Cops and Robbers, the Robber, i.e. Dippy, fell backwards into a big bush and ‘got it in the end’. Literally. Which just goes to show that crime doesn’t pay. He fell right onto a sharp stick and gashed his little butt cheek. Good heavens, I’m feeling woozy thinking about it.
So Coie – in her moose jammies – and I carefully laid Dippy on his stomach in the backseat of her car (Bo sat back there with him to hold the towel and ice in place) and we zipped over to the hospital.
They were pretty crowded and we had to wait. The check-in lady said, “Just take a seat”. Easy for her to say. We went around a corner and had to lay Dippy on his stomach. Poor little fella.
So then they finally called us back (we all sorta had to take turns dragging Dip along because he wasn’t able to walk). The nurse who checked us in chewed her gum like a camel. I’ve seen camels in real life, and I tell you the truth, she chewed just like a camel. Gross.
When we got back to our little room they realized that there were no hospital gowns in kid sizes, so instead of letting Dip swim around in an adult sized gown, they brought him one for toddlers. Ok, this is where I lost it. I thought she was kidding when she brought it in. It was tiny…TINY, and not only was it tiny, but it had fluffy teddy bears and colorful beach balls on it. Dippy was in too much pain to notice at the time, but when Coie pulled off his shirt and slipped it over his head, he looked down and was absolutely stricken. The boy is EIGHT YEARS OLD. Granted, he’s very skinny, but good grief, no eight year old boy should ever be forced to wear a teddy bear beach ball gown six sizes too small.
So, like I said, I lost it. I exploded. I couldn’t help it. I absolutely could not stop laughing. And then the doctor came in – and I could literally not stop laughing. Believe me, I tried. He kept trying to talk to me about my poor injured son but I was shaking and gasping and had tears streaming down my face, so finally I had to just flee the room and hide in the bathroom down the hall until I could get myself under control. Good heavens. The doctor must’ve thought I was a monster. I still can’t understand why he wasn’t laughing. I’ve never seen anything so comical in all my born days. Bad! Bad Mother!
In my defense, even Coie and Bobo couldn’t help laughing their heads off – they were just better at choking it back than I was. Coie used her cell phone and got a picture of him in his little mini gown but my son absolutely put his foot down and refuses to let me post it.
So anyhow, I came back before all the stitching commenced (EIGHT stitches!). Thankfully I was able to stop cackling like a loon and was able to feign sanity for the rest of the procedure.
And the nurse was cool. When they were all done she asked if I needed her to write a note to excuse him from school. I told her that we homeschooled so I’d just write a note and give it to myself in the morning. And she actually laughed. Finally, a nurse with a sense of humor; I’ve found that to be a rarity.
Dippy is doing well. But he has to forgo all of his chores and lay on his stomach all day and play Nintendo 64. Poor kid.