It Just Needs To Stop

There are some people who I love, trust and respect who don’t think I should post this. There are other people who I love, trust and respect who believe that posting this is the right, loving and responsible thing to do.

I’ve decided to finally post this because of a discussion I had yesterday with my son. He had been the one who was repeatedly molested when he was six. I asked him what he thought about speaking out about what happened to our family. He paused for a long time then asked if ‘telling others’ was based out of anger or a way to ‘punish’ the Suarez’s. Then it was my turn to pause; I examined my motives (again) before telling him, “No, I’ve fully forgiven them and love them. My intent was purely to warn other families”. He told me he was glad to hear that and that he had forgiven them, too. But then he told me he wanted to speak plainly. He told me that he was angry — really angry — that his older cousin had forced him to live with such disgusting memories . He also told me that he hated the idea of being known as the kid who had ________ happen to him. He said he was fearful of having a tainted reputation and was nervous about being kept out of certain circles of friends who might look at him weird if they knew. I sat quietly and just listened to him as he spoke. And then what he said surprised me. He said, “I think that being concerned about how I’m viewed is selfish, though. I don’t want my reputation to be more important to me than knowing we might be able to help prevent others from having to live through what I have to deal with” This kid is 13, he’ll be 14 next week. All I could do is tear up and marvel at the grace and the strength and the maturity that God has blessed him with. He’s not a victim. The boy is a hero as far as I’m concerned.

We do not expect pastors to call out child offenders from the pulpit every Sunday (as somebody falsely suggested we were advocating).

Our issue is not with ‘repentant child sex offenders’. Local bodies can decide for themselves what measures to take to keep their congregations safe. That’s not where we take issue.

Our issue is with leaders who use their positions of power to enforce a ‘zero accountability’ policy for child sex offenders and then punish people who disagree with their (extreme) view.

We take issue with the practice of protecting a child molester (repentant or otherwise) at the expense of the victim and their family. I’ve been accused of ‘making my nephew out to be a monster’. I reject that accusation. A 14 / 15 year old who does monstrous things will have to live with the consequence of having committed monstrous things. Sin has consequences. Do I still love my nephew? Absolutely. There is full forgiveness and we love him and would welcome a relationship with him (if he decides to reach out) — but there are consequences for sin. To shield him from consequences wouldn’t be love. It would be potentially inviting disaster for others.

This is not just about how the Suarez’s wanted to protect their (then) teenage son. There have been two other child predators (that we know of) who the Suarez’s actively protected. They demanded silence from those who knew and insisted on letting those predators have unfiltered access to family gatherings / child focused events. They insisted that families accept (what amounts to) a ‘zero accountability’ stance in regard to those men because they said the men had ‘repented’. And families who voiced concerned, or alerted other families to a potential danger, or who chose not to include the predators in their groups, were told they were in sin and were then condemned by the Suarez’s. One man, Roy Ballard, was later imprisoned for sexual assault against children. The other man they protected, Mike Marcum, was also imprisoned (for possession of child pornography).

Again, if the Suarez’s hold a belief that they should protect the reputations of child molesters, that’s one thing. But to condemn concerned families and use the bible to berate them for rejecting their extreme views is indefensible. At least that’s my opinion.

I’ve been accused of trying to ‘vindictively take down The Old Schoolhouse Magazine’. I reject that accusation. Paul and Gena made the choice to habitually divide with believers over secondary issues. They have also made the choice to condemn (multiple) families who spoke out against child predators.

They made the choice to continue pursuing the spotlight as national leaders after knowing their highschooler repeatedly molested more than one child.  In my opinion, they should have stepped down and dealt with their family issues. Instead, they built an audience and created a following. I feel no obligation to protect their leadership position in the homeschooling community. It was their choice to push this issue public.

They refused to deal with us privately (we tried repeatedly) and then seven years later, when they finally met with us (with a supposed ‘unbiased mediator’ ) they refused to acknowledge any error over their unbiblical belief of shunning Christians over secondary issues. Nor did they see a problem with condemning families who refused to accept what amounts to a ‘zero accountability’ stance for child sex predators. It is because of their choices that this is now playing out in front of an audience that they, themselves, created.

Here’s a helpful motto: Don’t do things that you don’t want people to find out about. It’s not the job of the ‘abused’ to protect their abusers ‘popularity’.

We take issue with a philosophy that proactively condemns and/or punishes families who alert others of a potential danger within their midst. We have witnessed a pattern of this. Not just a solitary incident… but a pattern.

Here are some questions that we have not yet received satisfactory answers to:

1) Paul and Gena Suarez, do you still maintain you were right in shunning the Igarashi’s seven years ago after they wouldn’t submit to your views on carrying out church discipline on a third party? On May 5th 2014 (in front of witnesses) you refused to concede that you should have handled the situation differently. And this leads to the next question… if Jenefer never ‘repented’ (and you maintained it was right to shun the Igarashi’s) then why did Gena suddenly agree to ‘un-shun’ Jenefer? Why are you willing to be ‘nice’ and ‘loving’ now? What changed? And why won’t you ‘un-shun’ the other families you’ve condemned who have approached you?  Is it because they are not being as vocal about the abuse they suffered at your hands?

2) Are you able to comprehend how excruciatingly painful it was for a family to deal with a six year that had been molested by a highschooler from your household? Are you able to understand the absolute agony they then experienced at your hands when you shunned them, slandered them and encouraged others to divide with them over the next 7 years?

3) There are multiple families who you’ve condemned as sinners after they went against your zero accountability stance (for the child predators you were protecting). Julie Hauser reached out to you in a friendly, relationship-oriented way recently and you told her that a friendship couldn’t happen until she (Julie) repented. Are you truly unable to see the absurdity of this?

These are a few of the questions we still have and  which were not dealt with in the ‘mediation process’

Paul and Gena Suarez have held steadfast to their skewed beliefs and use them to justify their destructive actions.

We’re not bitter, angry or vindictive. We have made every effort to come alongside the Suarez’s in love, hoping to show them that they’re hurting the Body.

Being habitually divisive and condemning families who alert others to possible danger to children is serious enough to speak up about. We are prayerful that my sister and her husband will humble themselves, abandon their extreme errant unbiblical views, and begin a new way of life that accepts accountability and brings restoration and healing to the body.

In the meantime, we are convinced (and feel convicted) that to stay silent would be wrong and would further present a danger to families who follow them.

I’m including a helpful link to an article by a friend, Eric Novak.  I think it sums up pretty well where the homeschool community needs to grow.  How Christian Legalism Creates A Culture of Sexual Abuse

47 thoughts on “It Just Needs To Stop

  1. Jenefer, I have not met you personally. Paulie is a very close friend to my older children and considered an ‘adopted’ son to me…love that kid! I have read many blog posts that you’ve written regarding this situation and I just want to say I admire your strength. Never once have I felt that your posts have conveyed a vindictive spirit. It is my prayer that the light that is being shed on this situation will bring repentance, healing and reconciliation. Lord bless you.

  2. So proud of you all for following your conviction to speak truth and light into what the enemy wants to keep in darkness. I pray that true repentance
    and reconciliation may begin so that everyone can heal. I love you and your family.

  3. You have done the right thing. Your family is blessed to have you and Geoff the Great at the head. Blessings to you, My Friend.

  4. I’m standing with you, friend, as you speak the truth in love.

    How great is our God to enable your beloved son to have such a mature and Christlike heart and mind after enduring such a horrific experience! God is being glorified in him and you. I will continue to pray for healing and strength and that God would pour out His grace in a powerful way. I love you. Stand firm in the Truth. God is faithful.

    Grace & Peace,
    Angel

  5. Thankful today for your sons courage and yours. It takes a lot of faith to come out with this and though you walk through the valley of death, fear no evil, for He is with you! Keeping you in our prayers and hearts.

  6. Thank you for speaking about this. Abuse should NEVER, under any circumstance, be kept under wraps. Someone just sent me the link to your blog suggesting I take a look, and I’ll keep reading.

    Anne (McLean)

  7. Jen, I am praying for continued healing in your family. Your right..Your son is a hero.. Thank you for bringing this to light. It takes courage. Praying God be glorified in this situation.

  8. Jen, dear friend of mine, the courage you and your family are showing will surely help others. It is an honor to know all of you. In our prayers!! Love you!!

  9. Jen,

    I am so thankful for God’s work in your son’s life, giving him the strength to report the abuse to you and the courage to let it be known to stop further abuse of others. I pray for healing for your son and your family, and I pray that the Lord will use this post for good in the Suarez family as well. Yes! The intimidation, slander, and shaming of the victims and those who speak in their defense needs to STOP. The governing authorities in our nation mandate the reporting of abuse to authorities, and as Christians, we are to submit to those laws. As recorded in your previous posts (since removed) Paul & Gena misused their authority in multiple instances (Roy Ballard, Mike Marcum, their own teenager) to silence reports, permitting at least one abuser to offend again. The failure to handle these crimes lawfully has caused division in the Body of Christ and has delayed opportunities for true confession, repentance, restoration, and reconciliation.

    Love & Prayers

  10. Jennifer,

    We have never met but we share some common pain. First, let me express my sincere sorrow for what you have lived through as a family. I am so grieved to hear of the pain. Second, please let your son know he is accepted and loved. Our loving Heavenly Father is going to pull him close to His heart even as he must deal with many conflicted emotions and questions.
    Our daughter Kalyn was sexually abused at the age of 15. It was a living nightmare I would wish on no family. She is now recovered and for the last several years we have share with other families. Just recently I have jumped our voice out into the homeschool. We are 26 year homeschool veterans ….but have not really focused on ministering to homeschoolers. But with the explosions of the last year on so many fronts, I believe we MUST as a community of families come out of complacency and denial and deal with this issue hurting our kids. Perhaps you saw my post that is circulating around the internet now.
    http://www.frontlinemoms.com/2014/05/28/open-letter-fellow-homeschool-parents/

    May I send you and your family a free copy of our book Unmask the Predators? I believe it could be an encouragement as you read Kalyn’s words and mine. I am doing my best to get it into as many hands in the homeschool world as possible. We must learn a new way! My email is Lisacherry9@aol.com. Please send me your address and I will get it right out to you.
    In His Love,
    Lisa

  11. Lisa, thank you, and yes I did see your article. It was one of the things that caused me to realize that speaking out was the only way to bring the issue out of the shadows. If nobody talks about it then abuse will continue to happen. I meant to email you and thank you for that piece you wrote; it is excellent.

  12. Jennifer,

    I believe we are in such a tender season right now. Victims need healed. families need supported. Systems need adjusted. And, as your particular case points out so painfully, perpetrators need reformed. You see, we are in such a tangled web of sexual perversion in our nation right now we must even prepare for the horrible risk that our own precious children could be tainted by wrong appetites and hurt someone else! I have had moms contact me in that horrible pain also! So now what can we do??
    I think we must start with facing the truth honestly. Then we must run to our Father and ask Him for wisdom in this critical hour. I am praying for your family….and the whole ugly mess that needs a miracle. And I am praying for the countless others out there right now who are desperate for answers. Surely our God is able.

  13. I believe it is important to bring these things to light, because predators thrive on victims shame and hurt because they know it will keep them safe. No one wants to admit that someone in the church has a serious problem and the rest of the flock need protection. It can still be dealt with in a loving manner, but everyone should be able to choose for themselves how they feel. There is one problem I don’t see being addressed is where is this child learning this behavior. My 2nd oldest son and a friend of his was molested by a 12 year old girl who was a friend of his friend’s sister. He came and told u right away, and we informed the other parent who said they didn’t want to call the authorities and report it and asked us to do the same. But being a victim of sexual abuse myself, my husband and I reported it to the police. During the process my husband and I discussed where she would have learned that from, and was there a way to help her. The police told us that because she was a minor her parents would be with her, and she would probably just keep quiet and take the punishment. This may be a reason that they don’t want to address the issue because there is a deeper problem going on. I admire your courage to take this battle public. More outcries like this, and it will no longer be something that is hidden from everyone. Shame on those church leaders that do not balance the scales because of misguided ideals.

  14. Jenefer, I’ve been following your story and I’m so glad you decided to come back and continue speaking out. Your son is a very brave young man. I can’t begin to imagine the hell your family has been thru. I continue to be disturbed about the way Paul and Gena have handled this. Does this particular son travel to conferences with them where there are lots of children? If so, what precautions are being taken? Has he gotten any help? This is highly concerning to me. They need to be thinking of other children and not just protecting their own son. I hope you will respond.

  15. Kelli, from what I understand they maintain that my nephew saw a Christian Counselor seven years ago and that he was ‘cleared’ (whatever that means). Geoff and I called this same counselor and were told that his behavior fell under the ‘normal’ category of ‘adolescent sexual exploration’. We were disgusted — we reject any assertion of that type of behavior being ‘normal’ — and have zero confidence in this ‘counselor’ with whom he met.

    But yes, I do know they bring him to conventions and they also bring him and stay overnight with various families as they travel around the country. I’ve been contacted by a few families who are not sure if they should speak to their young kids or if they should be worried. I don’t have the answers to that. I hope he truly is a not a repeat offender, but I simply don’t know. There were two other children that he ‘experimented’ with around that same time. His parents have said he is ‘sick and disgusted and has fully repented for his actions’ — and then they repeat that he has been ‘cleared’ by a Christian Counselor.

    We were never allowed to sit down with him one-on-one. We were told that could not happen until we ‘repented’ for our sin of ‘not confronting sin of a third party they said needed to be shunned’ (I know, it’s beyond bizarre and defies comprehension).

    A couple weeks ago we were sent a brief, written apology from him, which was cc’d to his parents and his pastor. But over the last 7 years he has never reached out with any show of desire to deal with us regarding the abuse against our son. We thought maybe when he turned 18 we might hear from him. But no, that never happened.

    Therefore we have no way of knowing where he is in his spiritual walk (except what we’ve heard from others, and that’s not necessarily encouraging — not in the sense that he’s acting out sexually inappropriately, but just that his words, vocabulary, language, and outlook on life is VASTLY different than what is portrayed to his parents.). This is what is troublesome to us. They feel he is ‘cleared’ but we’ve seen another side that makes us wonder if he’s not the wholesome young man that his parents (and the Christian Counselor from seven years ago) believe him to be.

    Lastly, even if being ‘cleared’ is something that’s a real thing (which it’s not), I still am VERY concerned with the decisions to bring him into households for sleepovers where younger children are present. That’s just completely stupid.

    You wouldn’t put a man in charge of the church books who had been formerly arrested for embezzlement, right? I think the same principle would especially stand in a situation like this. It shouldn’t take a genius to figure this out.

  16. Thank your Jenefer. I appreciate your honesty. Another question – are you sure they reported this? Were you able to speak with the authorities so they know your side of this? I’ll continue to keep your family in my prayers. I hope you are surrounded by friends/family that love and support you.

  17. I just wanted to post to encourage you to continue to seek accountability from your son’s abuser. I was sexually abused by a man in our church and after I came forward, nothing was done. Nothing. I was made to feel like it may have been somehow partly my fault (I was ten to thirteen during the years I was abused.) by my pastor and some others. I wish that my parents had pursued legal help and consequences. I am 38 years old now and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t remember something about what happened to me. And I have to live with the knowledge that nothing was done, and that at this point, nothing can be done (statute of limitations). You are doing the right thing to stand by your son. You are showing him that he is worth it and that he has inherent worth. Trust me, he will always be appreciative of this.

  18. Jenefer, thank you for your courage in speaking up. I know this whole process has been excruciating for your family. I am quite familiar with the dynamics of churches and organizations that cover up sexual abuse of children, as well as violence against women and children even within the home school movement. I wrote this a while back: http://watchtheshepherd.blogspot.com/2013/01/abuse-thrives-in-culture-of-shame-and.html

    Grace and peace,
    Virginia Knowles

  19. We were told they ‘self-reported’. We were also told that CPS might be coming to our house (by them). When I asked for prayer on my blog about CPS showing up they (the Suarez’s) threatened to remove my blog (which was hosted on their site, homeschoolblogger . com at the time). They said it was ‘in-arguably gossip’ to say anything that could lead people to guess what their son did to ours. As a side note, we never heard from CPS. Looking back I can only wonder if that’s because it was, in fact, not reported, or perhaps reported in a way that was significantly down-played.

    And yes, I’m up to my ears in supportive and loving friends and family. Thank you for your prayers. I feel blessed and am very thankful.

  20. Jen,

    I have thought of you with fondness over the years (my Chevy’s salsa loving sister-friend) and when prompted, prayed for reconciliation between you and your sister. I didn’t know the cause of your estrangement, but having sisters myself, I knew the kind of hurt you might be feeling. I am dreadfully sorry to hear such a horrific situation behind it all. How absolutely heartbreaking…and what a thoughtful perspective your son has. I will continue to pray for you and Geoff, the Suarez family and the boys involved. May God have mercy on the minds and people that seek to hide such abborhent behaviors. Hugs from TN.

  21. Jen–I appreciate your standing up and speaking the truth. As a church, we must deal with these issues. I’m sure it’s been hard, but I just want to say, “Thank you.”

  22. I want to cry for you. Having survived abuse at the hands of an elementary school principal when I was in the third grade, I know it’s not easy. You do recover. I know for a fact that my recovery has been much easier than my mother’s has been. She carries the weight of guilt, and should not. Please, make sure you take care of yourself.

  23. Jennifer Blythe hit the nail on the head. How in the world can a 13 year old boy know that depth of depravity? Children learn their behavior from many different sources, but none so much as their parents.

    I’ve no personal experience with any directly involved in this particular saga, but I am no stranger to “Christian” coverups of sexual abuse. A child’s errant behavior never occurs in a vacuum.

    Guard your sons and your daughters well ye men of God. Delegate nothing in this regard, for He has given them into your charge.

  24. This year I have had my own encounter with David Gibbs III. From 2001-2010 Ergun Caner developed a false persona and lied to churches and US servicemen. My wife worked for the him and he even threw a baby shower for my firstborn. When I found out in 2010, I felt I had a responsibility to act. Over a three year period, I posted about forty videos critical of him trying to warn people that the kind of man who would lie to Marines is not someone you want to hear. I contacted him privately, but he has a policy of ignoring critics.

    Last year, he sued me through Gibbs claiming that he owned everything that he had appeared in and that fair use was only allowed with “qualified” individuals. I could not afford a lawyer, so I contacted Gibbs and tried to settle. He explained that Ergun Caner was launching a wave of lawsuits and eventually would be suing me for defamation as well. Oddly, he also was disappointed that I was not “repentant”. I tried to get him to explain how I had slandered Ergun, but the best he could come up with was that Ergun just made many slips of the tongue. I offered to correct any slander, but he would not give me any examples. In exchange for a settlement, he demanded that my wife, my three children (then 4,5,6), and myself all sign non-disparagements agreeing to not publicly criticize Ergun for the rest of our lives. He also demanded all my private communication that referenced Ergun. I counter-offered that I alone would sign a non-disparagement.

    Ergun did not settle and, through Gibbs, Ergun accused me of being a “cyberstalker”, “cyberterrorist”, and a “disgruntled employee” who he fired. The first two are just unprofessional and the last one is ridiculous, because I never even worked for him. Now just a month later, he is trying to argue he had no prior knowledge of me before 2013. Ergun’s followers think all of this is justified and somehow my kids deserved to be forbidden to criticize him for the rest of their lives. I am grateful that we won, but his threats to sue us again are still out there.

    Gibbs pulled even more shenanigans in this lawsuit, but I will not rehash them all here. We won, because the case was so frivolous that the judge wrote a 40 page summary judgement seemingly just to bash Ergun and Gibbs.

    Best of luck to you,

    Jon

  25. Thank-you for posting this again. A big thank-you also to your son for being brave and bold and protective enough to speak out.

    It is not too late to report this yourself. The statute of limitations, as I understand it, does not really start ticking until the victim turns 18. There are sound reasons to consider reporting. The police have the resources to find other victims. They also have the resources to investigate just why your nephew behaved as he did- it is very possible that he is a victim as well and should be getting help.

  26. They are saying that you are lying and that they have documentation to prove it. I pray that your son won’t be subjected to even more abuse by going through this. I agree with previous posters that I would strongly advise you to take the formal steps to report this. It seems clear that they didn’t report it, and it could prevent the suffering of future victims.

  27. If this situation had been reported accurately, it would have been investigated by cps. In my very humble opinion, please consider reporting the situation now. I don’t know all of the circumstances and this issue sounds complicated because family is involved; however, there is no reason for your family to be bullied for all of these years to keep silent. It may be just what the perpetrator needs to prevent future occurances of sexual abuse and thus more victims.

    As far as the parents are concerned, there actions have absolutely nothing to do with repentance or gossip or any other charade they put on. This is self-preservation at its best. This is The Great Sin of PRIDE. They have built an empire portraying themselves to be THE perfect homeschool parents that have the ability to produce perfect children. They’ve done more harm not allowing their child’s sins to have consequences and have not only sacrificed your child for their pride, but their own child too.

    There comes a time when we can forgive without the need for reconciliation, you may have reached that point now.

    Your son is my hero! He is strong. He is brave! He had the courage to speak up about the abuse. He has the fortitude to forgive. He is not a victim. One day good will come from the evil that was done to him and his story will have a great impact.

  28. Your son is an amazing and wise young man. I’m so sorry your family has had to deal with all of this but I admire you greatly for refusing to stay silent.

    One very small editorial thing: I suspect that as this becomes more widely broadcast, you will have lots of visitors to this article. Should the plural of Suarez include an apostrophe?

    PS Feel free to delete this. God bless and sustain you.

  29. Jenefer, I am so very sorry to hear of what happened to your son and the way you all continue to have to deal with the fallout. You are doing the right thing. I’m so glad that both of you have been willing and able to speak up and tell what happened – to encourage others to take precautions, be watchful, and to speak up when something isn’t right. So glad that you have lots of support from family & friends!!

  30. Thank you for your courage in speaking up. I am sure this is terribly painful for you, but I believer you are doing the right thing.

  31. Just curious as to which David Gibbs is representing the Suarez Family. Is this David Gibbs Jr. or his son David Gibbs lll

  32. Hi! I was directed to your blog from another source. We experienced the same thing with church leaders pushing abuse under the rug and telling us to forgive and move on while the abuser goes scott free and not repentant or anything. I can relate to your story.

    However, we did go the route with CPS and reported it. It was investigated, but nothing happened. I will be praying for your family.

  33. I just wanted to drop you a note and let you know that I completely support you. Don’t sign or even speak to David Gibbs Jr. or David Gibbs III.

    They were both involved in a cover up case where a young girl was raped by a church member and then forced to apologize to the church. She was impregnated by her rapist and then shipped off to Colorado where her baby was given up for adoption.

    This is the Tina Anderson case. The girl has been so brave about coming forward about what happened to her.

    Gibbs Jr. also was involved in helping First Baptist Hammond when their pastor Jack Schaap was arrested for raping a minor child. There is a sermon posted on Youtube of Gibbs telling any further victims to contact the church instead of contacting police.

  34. To the Jenifer who posted at June 24, 2014 at 2:21 pm, about your abuse as a child and the tragedy of now being in your thirties, still suffering, but the statute of limitations is out- I encourage you to go ahead and speak up. I just read a story today where a swimming coach who had been abusing children for decades was caught precisely because one of his oldest victims long past the statute of limitations expired, called the police and said that this man should not still be working with children.

    The police know that there is almost no such thing as an abuser with one victim, or an abuser who stops on his own. They listened to this victim, now in his forties, even though his case could not be investigated. They investigated the swim coach and the boys he spends time with now. They found ongoing abuse and the man has now been stopped. He admitted to abusing at least 20 children, and he went to trial for only two or three of them. He’s going to jail where he cannot hurt anybody again. His sentence is 20 years, with 8 years of heavy supervision after release, and since he’s in his sixties, that means children are probably safe from him forever.

    Even if it’s to late for your case to have legal repercussions, if you can muster up the psychological, emotional, and spiritual energy and courage to speak out, you might find it very empowering. I won’t blame or judge you if you can’t- I understand how deep and how crippling the damage can be. I just want you and anybody else to know that even the statute of limitations is up for you, your abuser may still be hurting others and you might be able to be instrumental in stopping that.

  35. God bless you for shining light where needed. It takes courage. Some of us cannot speak out because the victims hide in shame. Then they get away and continue to do more damage. THANK YOU.

    “Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don’t get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you’re going. And don’t for a minute let this Book be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” Joshua 1:7-9

  36. I applaud you and your son for bringing light to the darkness. God will preserve you through this whole ordeal.

  37. Jen, thank you SO much for posting this again. Other families like ours NEED one another to be bold and unashamed, it will keep predators in the spotlight and the police can eventually catch them.
    Sexual abusers NEVER have one victim. Never. Please, I am literally begging you to report your nephew. He has not stopped, even if you have had no contact to verify. Predators don’t stop. They just get better at hiding it.
    Your son needs you to report this, and, as your brave son said… speaking out (for me, specifically, to the police) will protect others.

    Continuing to pray for your family. Much love, from one secondary survivor mom to another.

  38. Should really have gone to CPS. I’m so so sorry it didn’t. And whatever someone else said about it not happening in a vacuum? I would guess there are more around the abuser that abuse also. It still needs to be reported to protect others.

    I’ve missed hearing from you, Jen.

  39. I hate to even suggest this, but what steps were taken to ensure that his siblings would be protected? If he started out abusing an extended family member, sadly my first thought goes to who he’s closer to that would be less likely to find out. And I agree – sexual dysfunction starts somewhere. I don’t know the details of what he was doing, but if it wasn’t normal sexual exploration, then he heard about it somewhere. WHY are we so incapable of talking to our children about sex & our bodies, and having an open dialogue. In legalistic christianity, it’s so often a “hush, hush” topic, and children don’t have any way of asking questions in a safe environment. It’s so sad. As a victim of abuse, and someone who has seen firsthand how broken the system is, my heart goes out to your son, you, and your family. Good for you for standing up for them.

  40. As the mother of children who were abused in their birth home by family members including their brother’s. Abuser repentant or not should be allowed free access to children. Forgiveness has been used as a way to force others to give them another chance. No No No. Forgiveness is not a blank slate to allow abusers to be around children. A truely repentant abuser would not put themselves with children. Good luck

  41. Thank you. Silencing this leads to only one thing: more victims. We were dealt a heavy blow earlier this year when we found out two of our boys had been subject to lewd acts by another homeschool Christian boy over a period of two years. When we spoke to a lawyer about concerns of being accused of libel, he said, “Do you care more about staying within the boundaries of the law or protecting children?” The answer was easy. Unfortunately, there is little to no recourse for teen-on-child molestation. We were told by the police it was probably just a teen acting out on his raging hormones. So there will, in all likelihood, be more victims. I am horrified at this prospect, but after going to the police, what other power do we have?
    Jen, just the other day you popped into my mind. We’ve never met, but years ago yours was the first column to read in TOS. I so enjoyed your real-ness. I had no idea what happened to you, and I am so sorry. I am glad, however, that I found your blog and can once again receive encouragement from you. This post shows me that you have GUTS, and I admire that.
    I bless you and your family.

  42. Jen, Just letting you know that I shared this on my FB page today because I have so many friends who are unaware of this situation. I believe we should all exercise caution regarding all leaders we follow. Christ is our leader and the only One we can truly trust.

    In His perfect love,
    Angelface

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