One of the classic tactics abusers use after they victimize a person is to further oppress them by condemning them as ‘gossips’ or ‘slanderers’ if they don’t cover up the abusers actions.
Abusers will create smoke and clamor to divert attention away from their abuse by pretending the ‘sin of gossip’ is the Sin of all Sins and is therefore sufficient grounds to discount any charge of real sin against them.
Another tactic is to preemptively accuse the victims of the sins they, themselves, are guilty of (calling them ‘gossips’, ‘vengeful’, ‘liars’, etc). They will bully the victim into silence and many times launch efforts to discredit them in case the victim ever does speak out.
Also, victims are generally isolated. There might be a sea of other victims, but they’ve been trained, and it’s been ingrained (by the abusers) ‘not to gossip’, so they clam up instead of seeking out help or solace from others who have been there. Victims like these have been beaten down and confused. They are told they are probably not saved when/if they disagree with the abuser. They are slandered and cut off from friends who are afraid to get involved. And what’s really distressing (if that’s not distressing enough) is that many of these people genuinely love God and long to do what’s right. They either fear the bullies or fear the title of ‘Gossiper’, so they stitch up their gashes by themselves and limp back into life, trying not to bleed on others, and thinking they’re the only one. In worse cases, some leave the church altogether.
Life in the ‘Christian realm’ can be a confusing minefield to tiptoe through. It is easy for people to be led astray. It always has been. When you get a strong authoritative personality, many are won over partly because they speak with such conviction. People are always looking for a leader. So if somebody is willing to lead, typically they will gain an audience, especially if many things they say are true and good.
Believers must be discerning. They need to be able to look at fruit and detect error when it springs up. If it looks like an apple, but you take a bite and it’s plastic…don’t swallow it. Be especially careful of apples that have teeth and will try and bite you back.
Sometimes people will see red flags but make the decision to just ‘shake it off’ because ‘so many others trust these leaders’. Mob mentality.
Things to Watch Out For
Do not be deceived by leaders who are habitually divisive. This is a red flag. Generally, these people have very ‘biblical sounding’ reasons for casting off fellow believers (with one-sided -or long winded – explanations).
It’s a huge red flag if you see leaders dividing with people over secondary issues; if they are people who would rather ‘divide’ than ‘disciple’ take notice. Sometimes they will also encourage others not to speak with the one they cast out. Because if they do, “it’s gossip”. This is contrary to the gospel.
Avoid people who cover sins that are dangerous to others. I’ll just speak plainly here. If there are men who have sexually abused children (or are being investigated as child predators) and you are told to keep your mouth shut about it, then it’s time to do something. Leaving with your children is a good first step.
If you feel children may be in danger and speak out about it, you are not a gossip. If somebody gives you a long biblical treatise about how their view on how to handle child predators within the church is the only biblical one (and their view protects offenders and demands that other parents are not to be made aware) know they are flat wrong. If you’re told that you’re ‘possibly unsaved’ if you disagree with their views, you need to know that is a lie.
Be discerning, church. We are to love all, but that does not mean to check your common sense at the door.
Incidentally, my pastor recently posted the following on facebook. I think it’s worth sharing:
“@DeepakReju: Are you prepared to fight child abuse in your church? Or are you not ready yet? http://stores.newgrowthpress.com/on-guard-preventing-and-responding-to-child-abuse-at-church/ This is a resource to look into if this is an issue you’re currently dealing with.
We are called to live at peace with all men as long as it’s possible for us. That’s in Romans.
We’re also told that the church is a body and that we must work together to not only build each other up, but to keep the rest of the body safe. That’s in Corinthians and Matthew 18.
Being a part of a local body is crucial for Believers. There is safety. There is counsel. Also, there are witnesses.
The Christian Homeschool Community is not a church. It’s a movement. It’s not a church.
Naturally, one would hope that it is able to regulate itself, but is that even possible? How does a ‘movement’ regulate itself? Who is responsible to keep the bad apples out? The Leaders? Who are the Leaders? What if the Leaders are bad apples?
I don’t have any easy answers for this. The only answer that I do know is that any man who claims Christ must be accountable to *somebody*. The local church is generally the place for issues to be worked out (unless a crime has been committed — know when to report an issue). But if a ‘Leader’ has no local body and is in gross/persistent sin and will not work with anybody who appeals to them to stop the destruction… what do you do?
In most cases Titus 3:10-11 would answer, “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped.”
But what if there is a danger to others? What is the moral responsibility for those who have information? These are questions my husband and I are trying to work out right now.
Likely you may soon hear about another huge and distressing ‘Homeschool Leader’ scandal. If you are a Believer you have clear commands from God’s Word on how to handle ‘breaking news’ that happens in ‘Christian Circles”.
1) What does your heart look like? Does it rejoice and become busy in the flurry of news reports that come out? Are you praying for the victims involved? Are you praying for the ‘Leader’ involved? Or are you just filling up your ears with ‘choice morsels’?
2) How are you discussing the news with others? Is it fun to chatter about the details? As a Christian this should never be the case. Ever. We are to be known for our great love for one another. Anybody who rejoices in a fallen brother is probably not saved. 1 John 4:20 Yes, I understand that there is relief and gratefulness when justice is served and Truth is revealed — but as Christians the motivating factor should always be Love. Love doesn’t gloat, it’s not vindictive, it does not glory in the fall of anybody. It must always truly and honestly long for restoration and reconciliation. Anything less is not worthy of Christ.
3) What are you doing with the information? God’s Word tells us that sometimes a leader needs to be called out publicly as a warning to others. (1 Timothy 5:20). As Believers when this sort of thing happens it should hit us with sober gravity. It should bring us to our knees. It should cause us to check our own lives and our own weaknesses. Which leads me to #4…
4) It should cause us to look to Christ. We are all such total losers. Seriously, humans are hopeless. We are in need of Grace and Mercy CONSTANTLY. Those of us who truly know Christ understand the depth of our own depravity. We understand how much we need a Savior. If we’re honest, we also understand how much we do *not* deserve either grace or mercy. How does the saying go? “When it comes to others we make excellent judges, when it comes to ourselves we make excellent lawyers”
The Christian Body is a living organism. We must operate as a body. Nobody gets a splinter and hacks off his foot. At the same time, rare is the sane person who knows they have gangrene and merrily goes about their way as it spreads and rots the rest of his body.
Wisdom, peace, grace, justice, mercy, unity, and that God’s name will be glorified. That’s what I’m praying for.
******* EDIT AND UPDATE – Thanks to all who entered the contest. The winners have been chosen and were announced on the next post up.
Ok, so last year when Rosetta Stone let me give away a new Version III language program, it was a big big big hit. And now they are letting me do it again in celebration of the brand-spankin’ new Latin course that’s being rolled out this week in Version III!
Here’s how you enter. Post the information below (the paragraphs between the ***’s) on your blog – and if you have multiple blogs you can enter multiple times with separate entries. Don’t have a blog? You can still enter by “facebooking” the link to the contest here, OR email the info to your homeschool support group (or to homeschooling friends). Easy, yes? Make sure to include the link back to this original post when you blog and then leave a comment letting me know so I can enter you to win.
Rosetta Stone is the fastest way to learn a language and has been the #1 foreign language curriculum among homeschoolers for a while — and you can WIN the *all new* version 3 Rosetta Stone Homeschool LATIN program… FOR FREE! This is the first year you can get Latin in the brand new Version III update.
This is a $259 program (and believe me it’s worth every penny!)
This is a computer based curriculum and Rosetta Stone will also include a headset with microphone, and a supplementary “Audio Companion” CD so you can practice lessons in the car, on the go, or where-ever! Students participate in life-like conversations and actually produce language to advance through the program. Rosetta Stone incorporates listening, reading, grammar, vocabulary and writing along with speaking and pronunciation lessons. For parents, the new Parent Administrative Tools are integrated into the program to allow parents to easily enroll up to ten students in any of 12 predetermined lesson plans, monitor student progress, grade completed work (the program grades the work automatically as the students progress- I love that!), and you can view and print reports for transcripts. Homeschooling a lot of kids at your house? This program is designed to enroll and track up to ten students (five users on two computers) and will work for nearly all ages — from beginning readers up to college students.
To win this most excellent Latin program copy these paragraphs and post them in (or as) your next blog post, and/OR link to the contest from your facebook page and/OR email the information to your homeschool support group – Then go to the original page http://Jeneralities.com and leave a comment saying that you’ve posted about, or have linked to, the contest. Please make sure the link works to get back to the original contest page when you post. And good luck!
The winner will be picked randomly next week, and notified by email. The program will be shipped to you free of charge. You may enter multiple times by posting on more than one blog and by also ‘Facebooking’ the contest pg link and emailing friends. Submit those entries with separate comments here on the original contest page for more chances to win. Anybody may enter. And if there are enough entries, I may try to wrench some arms over at Rosetta Stone to see if we can get more than one winner. Grin grin.
And here is a bit of additional, non-contest-related Rosetta Stone news that you might be interested in….
I have also been allowed (for the rest of May) to offer my blog readers a special discount — $100 off by entering the promo code hsb59 at checkout if you buy levels 1-3 (of any language) regular price $549. This would also include 1-5 levels for Spanish, regular price $699. I’d also like to point out that Rosetta Stone has just (this week) begun offering Latin, Tagalog (Filipino), Vietnamese and Turkish in the brand new Version III curriculum. Pretty awesome. And another new thing is Rosetta Stone is now offering levels 4&5 for Spanish (and English). Levels 1-5 is equivalent to FIVE years of language. That would look pretty awesome on a transcript.
Lastly, Rosetta Stone is now on Facebook. Become a fan at http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/Rosetta-Stone-Homeschool/74459073912?ref=ts
Ok, that’s it for now. Good luck on the contest! Go post the info and come back here and leave a comment to enter. I know there are a bunch of you out there (especially you Classical Homeschooler types) who would love the brand new first level of Rosetta Stone Latin in the new Version III program… here’s your chance!
YAY for FREE stuff!
Ok, so today was a good day, even tho I broke one of the arms off my dumb reading glasses.
…as if I wasn’t already nerdy enough.
We are in Arlington, TX right now. On our way out, our pilot’s name was Captain Kirk. Neat-o, eh? And not once did I panic, freak out, hyperventilate, or gnaw on Coie’s arm. I am becoming a total pro at flying the friendly skies.
Anyways, I hope we do well at the convention this weekend – I’m a little bummed because our booth is hidden way back in the back corner. They might have well just set us up in the broom closet. Aint no way anybody is gonna be able to find us way back in Yonder-ville. Ah, well. We shall still try and sell well.
In other news, here’s a picture for Jess
Here’s Coie, Me, our Gramma Nile (my mom’s mom), my cousin Beverly and my Aunt Dora. We haven’t seen them in over ten years. Dora was at Jess’s wedding. I love that lady. The whole group was a lot of fun and we had a real special time with them.
And lastly, since I miss my splendid kids, here’s a video that Ryann recently put together. It was a response to a funny little video that one of our friends made about his brilliant, over-achieving, five year old sister (and the kid is sweet and super cute to boot). Anyhow, Ryann figured she’d put something together about her own favorite 5 year old sibling. I think it turned out cute.
Ok, I gotta go. These ridiculous glasses keep sliding off sideways and I can’t hardly barely see a dang thing
Oh my heavens, I’m about to have a heart attack. Coie, as I type this, is outside backing up the trailer so we can get our new Whirlpool fridge into the house. And I’m just sure that she’s going to lurch sidewards and my brand new shiny appliance is going to topple over, bust thru the side of the trailer and plunk into the mud. I had to flee inside and blog to distract myself or else have an apoplectic fit.
Me and Coie and Ryann went to pick it up just now since Geoff the Great is still at work. Coie called and found a great deal and we zipped over to Lowes (yes, Lowes) to grab it. I was feeling pretty proud about our big-girl selves, until the fellow who sold it to us wheeled it out to the parking lot and we realized that we hadn’t brought any rope to tie the thing down. The guy was kind enough to toss us a ball of dental floss. Apparently he’d just gotten off the clock and was in a big hurry to get home. He said, “Well… here yeh go” and stomped off across the parking lot. I spose it wasn’t quite as thin as dental floss, but it sure was thin scrawny stuff. No matter. I am thankful for it.
And besides, we Igarashi girls are made of stern stuff (and when I say ‘we’, naturally I mean Coie and Ryann – I just sat in the suburban and listened to Mark Levin). We tied it down something fierce and we *did* make it home without incident
On a side note, I’m convinced that God likes me. How else can you explain that the VERY day that my fridge decided to conk out was the same day that Rosetta Stone sent me a check for our OH show? Holy Moly that $$$ got here quick and I’m so so so super extra thankful for it.
Ok, I’m gonna go. Once she gets the trailer backed into the court I might actually go out and try and help shimmy that brand new beautiful big 21 cubit foot box of frosty icy paradise into the kitchen. Hooray for cold milk!
PS Stay tuned… Rosetta Stone said they may let me give away a brand new Version III Latin language program. Wouldn’t that be awesome? I’ll let you know soon…
PPS Me and Coie will be in Arlington, TX this weekend. Any of you gonna be at that convention? Make sure to stop by and say hi if you are! And I’m going to get to see my Aunt Dora and Gramma Nile – I haven’t seen them in ten years. I’m excited.
Remember a couple posts back when I was screaming and ranting about my photobucket account not working? Coie fixed if for me. Gee, she’s the swellest.
Look, I told you it was spring around these here parts and I weren’t lyin’:
Spring. Ha. Actually, it now already feels like summer. It was nearly 90 yesterday. That’s way too bloomin’ hot.
And now since I can post pictorial stuff… Look, here’s EEEEMommy from the Cinci convention.
I think I scared her, though. Marshie was making fun of me because every time Angel came around I was like, “oooooh, you’s puh-retty”. She IS though. She was downright gorgeous. And I like her trendy glasses. Pictures don’t do her justice.
And here’s a picture of my pal, Julie Park. I’m so nice to post this picture, especially after the monstrosity of me that she slapped up on Facebook.
She’s so deucedly tiny. I look like an Amazon next to her.
All right, and here… here is a great gift that Emmiko, builder-of-all -things-fun-and/or-edible (or both), made for me. I told her, “Ems, Mama wants a big big big swing”. And 20 minutes later I had this:
I used a website called Truly Random Number Generator to pick our winner… and it came up with number 41. So, yay for Kathy! I’m glad she won because her nick name made me laugh out loud. Catheter. Good golly that’s funny. Enjoy the show, Kathy. I’ll send you an email to get your addy. Thanks to everybody who played. Some of you have got some pretty jacked-up nicknames.
So this last week has been a real treat. Guess what my friend gave me? Two kiwi trees! My all time favorite fruit. I love getting stuff. Especially when it’s something I like or that I want. I have to admit, it was a better Birthday Gift than the Schwans Meatballs and Coconut Shrimp that Geoff the Great brought home. Not that I didn’t love that, too… I mean, really…how can meatballs *not* be considered romantic? Aren’t you jealous that *you* don’t own a Schwans Man?
In other news, I bought myself a present. I just couldn’t resist. It’s got all these nifty Indian songs that are just super excellent. Here, I’ll prove it to you, but make sure you get at least 1:15 seconds into it, because that’s when it really starts hoppin’:
Admit it. That’s the grooviest thing you’ve ever heard, isn’t it? This song, and the second song on the cd (Ringa Ringa) are impossible NOT to dance to. Believe me, I tried. You can’t do it. Even Coie was practically almost tempted to get up and bust a move with me. But she refrained, especially when Ryann pulled out the video camera. I am not afraid of the evidence my child obtained because I fully embrace my inner Funk and there aint nobody in the whole world who can out-dance me. Cept for maybe this guy… or Kate Kessler. And Laurie Bluedorn. Whatever.
Ok, this is highly irksome. I just got home from the OH convention (where I was nearly robbed or worse in my hotel room – my facebook friends know what I’m talkin’ bout) and now I’m back and dead tired but I’m composing this dumb post at 2:22 in the morning. And why? Why am I not sleeping? I *was* sleeping soundly as a big fat snoring princess but then Geoff the Great woke me up about an hour ago. And now an hour later, while he’s asleep and snoring his head off, here I am WIDE awake.
I spose that’s ok, because I have all sorts of news to share. We had a *really* super excellently fabulous time at the convention. Plus, jealous you, just LOOK at all the people me and Coie got to play with:
We met Ryann’s friend Tess and her mom (boy is Ryann mad she didn’t get to come), Julie Park, Spunky, EEEEMommy, Amy W, Jen (Mrs. Incredible), Marshie with her crew Amy and Darcy, Christine Field, Jay Ryan along with his beautiful family, Kim Wolf and her gorgeous daughter, the Prices, Maggie the Magnifico’ and her crew, Carol Barnier …and I just KNOW I’m forgetting somebody really important. Tell me if I forgot to list you. I know Gina D was there but I never actually got to see her because I was busy when she came by.
Anyways, on Thursday afternoon (our first day up there) we were able to get together with the famous Home School Enrichment publishers. Ok… can I just say how much I LOVE the Lewis family? They are so hilarious. And they especially love ME because they almost got me to completely promise not to start blabbing their secrets (are you guys starting to panic? HA! I love the power I wield. I bet you wish you’d never even told me…). But no, I will be a good friend and be content to drop non-hints and teasers.
Alright. Moving on. I mentioned contest and I meant it. The Lewis brothers have been telling me for a while about some so-called incredible movie that was put together by this homeschool family. And naturally I just smiled and nodded and such whenever they’d start talking about it. So anyways, at the convention, it just so happened that this family was there as a vendor, so young Mr. Lewis brought me over for an introduction, and then the Burns family was kind enough to give me a free copy of their DVD.
And of course at that point I was thinking, “Ok, this could very well be dreadful but I will take it home and watch it with my family anyways”. I mean seriously. This is a homeschool family. Not a slick Hollywood outfit. I was envisioning two or three families running thru a neighborhood in Illinois putting on a play about King Arthur.
… fast forward to yesterday… I showed all the kids the movie cover when I got home and they were excited, because the graphics on the front really do look good. So we set up the couches and laptop and got all cozy and set up. Right off the bat I realized that no… we were not simply dealing with some hodge podge cutsie play. This is a real movie, and it’s actually professionally done. Me and Geoff the Great sort of looked at each other like, “wasn’t expecting this” and kept watching. The first 20 minutes or so took a little getting used to. Like I said, it’s *not* a slick Hollywood outfit. That being said, I think it was better done than Flywheel and Facing the Giants. Yes, I am serious. And yes, this is a homeschool family that put it together.
My husband, who hates it when I blog about him (because he always gets phone calls from people saying things like, “so, how’s the inside of your arm doing? I heard your wife bit it really hard), anyways he told me that I had special permission to quote him about what he thought. And for the record, my husband has a very critical eye. But he was astounded. He said he couldn’t believe the detail they put into the sets, the soundtrack (the soundtrack was amazing), the weapons, and the costumes. The storyline was also really good. REALLY good. And the fellow who plays the bad guy in the movie is one of the best actors I’ve ever seen. He stole the show.
Here is a link, watch the trailer clip on the front page. And then to win my own personal copy, which I will mail straight to your house, all you need to do is leave a comment telling me what some of your nick names were/are thru out your life. Why nicknames? Because this movie is called Pendragon, which is a reference to King Arthur, and I’ve decided that Pendragon must have been his nickname. That’s my whole story.
On another note, the movie takes place in 411 AD, right when the Roman hold on Britain was collapsing and all of Europe was falling into the Dark Ages. The Saxons, Angles and Jutes moved into the area to seize the land for themselves. The movie doesn’t necessarily go into all of that background history, but I just wanted you to know how smart I am. I already knew the historical background because we’ve been going thru Bright Ideas Press Mystery of History for the last three years.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, oh my heck, I almost had a heart attack… guess what my friend Maggie handed over and placed in my sweaty little hands for FREE? She gave me the brand new Mystery of History volume THREE that I’ve been drooling over for an entire year. It covers the middle ages and it is SO beautiful. I LOVE THAT WOMAN!
And on the same train of people whom I like for giving me free stuff, I ALSO ran into Jay from Cleveland (I haven’t seen him in forever!) and he gave me a copy of his new astronomy book called Signs and Seasons along with a corresponding workbook. I can’t wait to start that with the kids. They’ve already been pawing thru it and it looks super.
Ok, it’s 2:51 now. Hopefully I’ll be able to post this fast and get some sleep. And I didn’t even go into my whole story about Geoff the Great and his new friend he met from work. I haven’t met him in person yet (his friend, I mean, I’ve met Geoff in person several times), but his friend did come with me and Geoff on a date last night. We were having a cozy dinner all alone at my favorite Chinese restaurant, but instead of talking to ME, my husband was text messaging his buddy the whole time to chat about what they had for lunch earlier. Total dorks. Anyhow, I’m looking forward to meeting him and his wife soon. I just found out they read my dumb blog. How’s that for pressure?
PS I am not proof reading this before I post it, so it will most assuredly have even *more* typos than usual.
Don’t forget to leave comments telling me your nicknames (or your kids’ nicknames) for a chance to win Pendragon, Sword of His Father I’ll do a random drawing later this week.
In honor of our tremendous Government (and by tremendous, I’m talking about the size of it), I feel compelled to step out and write a screeching, shrill, high-pitched maniacal post, which has been brought on by wading through stacks of paperwork only to be later told our e-file was rejected. In all fairness, it was my fault (I typed in a wrong SSN), and yet the high-stress adrenaline that shot thru my veins after getting that notice put my computer, my windows, my husband, my hair and my children in imminent danger of being either tossed, shattered, battered, torn out and bounced off the deck, respectively.
So while my taxes *are* done, I still have a half gallon jar left of lingering wrath, so what better way to expend it than to write out a list of other things that also cause inexpressible amounts of non-joy. And what a lovely and biblical way to wrap up Easter weekend, no?
So, here’s my list. Feel free to add your own, because after all, misery *does* love company.
1) I can’t stand being told what to do. It’s true. I can’t help it. Generally if I’m told what to do by true authority (cops, my husband, God’s Word, etc) I will still submit, and even pretend to do it cheerfully (if I’m unable to muster up genuine assent), but in all other cases I simply don’t like it and usually accidentally go out of my way to thwart those who try to impose their will over my own. This includes Doctors, Nurses, School Officials, Librarians, Teachers and So-Called ‘Experts’ on any given subject.
2) I can’t stand it when my clothes are too tight. It’s unacceptable and it makes me extra wrathful because it means I have to go out of my way to eat less so they’ll fit again.
3) I can’t stand watching mothers screaming/yelling at their kids in public. It makes me angry. If they act like that out in public, how much more is spewed off in the privacy of their own homes? Mothers who do that look ridiculous, they humiliate their kids, and they make everybody around them uncomfortable
4) I can’t stand it when I lose my shoes
5) I can’t stand it when I step on something wet with my socks on
6) I absolutely detest being woke up out of a dead sleep by barking dogs
7) I can’t stand it when my neck and shoulders hurt
eight) I can’t stand watching bratty children scream at their parents because they want something at Walmart
9) I can’t stand trying to have logical conversations with people who are unreasonable.
10) I can’t stand being around phony people
11) I can’t stand living so far away from Charley and Jess, especially with little Eden getting here soon
12) I can’t stand it when I really really really want to keep reading but my nose and ears are sore because of my dumb glasses
13) I can’t stand seeing people get overly worked up about things they can’t do anything about – myself included. It’s so counter productive, yet it happens so often. I hate that
14) I can’t stand it when I hit the top of my head on something sharp. Am I the only one who almost goes into a rage when they get unexpectedly injured?
15) I can’t stand being biological. It’s disgusting. I’d rather be assembled of metal, plastic and wires. The fact that all of my body parts are constructed of colonies of billions of living cells grosses me out
16) I can’t stand it when I run out of coffee creamer
Well now! I feel tons better. And I must say that I am really happy that my dumb taxes are done and out of the way for the year. I’m also glad that I have far more things in my life to be happy about than my dumb ‘can’t stand’ list.
Ok…time for me finish getting packed up for my trip this Wednesday. I really hope that Coie and I do well at the Cincinnati convention. I sure am thankful for this RS gig. And I cannot WAIT to see all the friends who are showing up at this particular show.
PS I still can’t believe Jess and Charley bought my plane ticket to AK for July! This is going to be the best summer ever