Jeneric Jeneralities ~ by JenIG

As promised, here is an email exchange about training six month olds: 

Hello Jen!

I have a quick question if you don’t mind. My husband
and I have a 9mo and we have asked many people about
teaching our child to cry quietly. You mentioned a
book by Susanna Wesley that helped you? The name of
the book would be a great help, or if you have the
time to share what age you teach your children to cry
quietly, ect.  So far we have taught our son many things, he is a joy
to be around because he knows his boundaries.
I love your list!

Thank you and God bless!


Hi Ashley,

Honestly, i think kids are so different it really is going to be different
with each family.  But we really found that ‘alone time’ in their crib (if
they were doing the ‘out of control / shrieky type of cry) was helpful for
us and also for them.  They were able to realize pretty quickly that people
did not want to be around them if they were shrieking.

I would tell my little ones ‘hush, cry quietly’ in a very calm voice (it
helps if you are smiling or have a pleasant voice that shows you are *not*
angry).  and if they would not be quiet I would calmly take them to their
room and say again, ‘you mustn’t be loud, hush’ and then I’d come back when
they were quiet (while I was training them to do this I’d generally wait
right by the door).  When they were quiet I would come back in with a smile
and say, ‘oh good! You’re being pleasant! Let’s come out now" and I’d lift
them out.  If they’d start crying again (throwing a fit because they were
mad we left in the first place) I’d tell them, gently, ‘hush, be pleasant (or cry
)" and if they did not, they’d go back into the crib and we’d leave the room.
We’d do this multiple times until it clicked and they connected that loud
crying or fits equaled boring crib time.

hope that helps! it’s hard giving advice by email, so i hope this made

 I also really like what Jacque wrote in the comments of the last post.  She said it well:

I read a few years back (don’t remember what book) about letting children wail and carry on when they cry and how unnecessary and "fleshly", I guess, for lack of a better term, it is. My children never wailed, but I did just start telling them to close their lips together and cry qietly. They showed me that they had control over it and did it. I then had to let them know when they had ‘cried enough’, sometimes. Of course, as parents, it does take discernment, not a nominal "cry quietly" or "stop now". Sometimes their pain is really deeper, and I am sensitive to that, too.

On a side note not related to teaching six month olds to cry quietly, I’d like to point out  that even the inherent laws of nature display that pain is not an “abusive” form of training—it’s just life.

Why do very little children keep their fingers off of bumble bees?  They also learn very quickly not to grab hold of electric fencing, not to shut their fingers in doors, not to bite themselves, not to slide their hands against splintery wood, not to pull the cat’s tail, not to put clothespins on their tongues, etc.  Why? What teaches them not to do these things?  Even in nature, God gives us the gift of pain to shape our behaviour.  How silly to think “pain” is abusive when God Himself has given it as a tool to help keep us safe.  If it is used the way it was intended — not abusive, or rageful anger – or murderous (as in the case of abortion), it can be a beneficial means to bring up well rounded, healthy, happy children, who don’t live in a unnatural bubble that pretends that consequences are not painful.

December 19th, 2006 - Posted in Uncategorized | | 0 Comments

No Responses to ' Teaching Six Month Olds To Cry Quietly '

Subscribe to comments with RSS

  1. Momof5littlewomen said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 9:12 am

    Great thought!

    I had never thought about that but God does use pain to teach us. Thanks for sharing that.


  2. tn3jcarter said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 10:06 am

    Have you read KSMilkmaid?

    I thought of you with your goat in the basement when I read her entry today about having a calf in her bathroom.


    on December 19th, 2006 at 10:27 am

    Untitled Comment

    Remember when Coie snapped that large hair clip onto Paulie's nose? She was 4 and he was 3. Boy did he learn a lesson about avoiding older cousins bearing hair clippies. The silly part was that HE told HER to clip the thing on his nose. What a nut. Well, a natural lesson for him…haha. He still laughs about that (13 years later!).

  4. JenIG said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 10:38 am

    Untitled Comment

    yep, cousins definitely have a way of teaching important life lessons. remember when threw all the shoes out the window (after pushing out the screen) so they could 'fish' for them? can you believe those two are practically full grown now? the other day paulie almost made me cry because he's SO big but he did something that reminded me when he was two — back when i could scoop him up and toss him around the house. so sad.

    now he's big cave man, putting in full days helping construct fences and trailers and digging trenches.

  5. Anonymous said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 11:51 am

    Untitled Comment

    Excellent post Jen. I wish I had done something like that with my middle child. She's got a wail that breaks glass. Actually it sounds like a siren, starts low and escalates into full blown siren mode.

    Although she knows to be quiet with daddy. I guess that speaks to my training ability! LOL


  6. stevenlnelson said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 12:51 pm


    I recently found your site from a couple of different sources. Thanks so much for sharing. You have sound, well-written articles. I especially liked the Christmas one. Keep up the good work!

  7. drewsfamilytx said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 4:49 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Okay, we actually figured this out with our second child…the poor first one is always a guinea pig and a ton of work. Poor things and poor parents!

    Anyhow, it just occurred to me that one of my children (who shall go unnamed) has been driving dh and I INSANE with his whining! Seriously insane. We've told him to dry it up, quit carrying on, etc. but it never occurred to me to tell him to put his lips together and cry quietly!

    He really is rather sensitive…and dh and I really can't relate to that very well. *sigh* I don't want to completely squelch this side of him but I DO want him to be in control of himself. So thanks, Jen, as always for your very practical advice!

    Although all of my kids are out of the crib, they still (frequently) get sent to their beds until they can be pleasant, kind, etc.



  8. chickadee said,

    on December 19th, 2006 at 11:55 pm

    Untitled Comment

    just wanted you to know that i appreciate your parenting advice. don't let the hecklers get to you.

  9. Kay Pelham said,

    on December 20th, 2006 at 12:42 am


    Hi Jen,

    <br>I'm new at homeschooling and fairly new at mothering with a 3 year old. Your comment about pain being essentially part of God's plan to teach all of us is so true. Yet we try to shield our children from pain. And people think physical discipline is so evil and abusive. Even in the Garden of Eden, I think if Adam had tripped over a rock it probably would have hurt. People have this idea that Eden was pain-free. I don't think so. Pain is a part of life (as you said) then as well as now.


    <br>It's a sad state of things when people let kids rule as if they knew better.


    <br>I appreciate all that you and your family do. Having only one child, I greatly respect you with your 6.


    <br>Kay Pelham


  10. MiikoGibson said,

    on December 20th, 2006 at 5:49 am

    Untitled Comment

    These are very wise words. Glad things are looking up. We too are hoping to homestead one of these years…but I was a city girl. But if you can do it…there's hope, LOL.

  11. Anonymous said,

    on December 20th, 2006 at 6:03 am


    Thanks for this post. This last week I had an 'incident' with a woman who believes spanking is abusive…of course, I had that IDEA but wasn't certain. She started asking me point blank questions about spanking and then left-without the time to explain the good stuff…like never spanking in anger, always forgiving and loving after repentance, etc. For the past three nights I have not been able to sleep worried that she would turn us in (just because). And then I started getting slack from Christians who don't believe spanking to be the best option. And I don't even spank OFTEN! The last time was WEEKS ago! Sheesh. I was feeling VERY alone and was starting to question my resolve. I needed this boost. Thanks. Rebecca from

  12. bensrib said,

    on December 20th, 2006 at 6:58 am

    Untitled Comment

    My favorite line of your whole post is the part about the "unnatural bubble that pretends consequences are not painful" – thanks for sharing! K

  13. jayfromcleveland said,

    on December 20th, 2006 at 9:22 am

    Untitled Comment

    Mrs. Ig, we've also done that with the kids — let them scream it out. I think that was something from the "Growing Kids the Ezzo's Way" program that was popular when we were starting to have babies. Seems we've had mixed results — it worked for some of the kids and not others. Spaz was always a trial, even as a baby in the crib. The thing was, he would never obey his mom but would always fold right over for me, even as a baby.

    Deb's doing a nice job with Flowee (now 4 mos). She obeys pretty well most of the time when mom tells her to be quiet. One thing — she clearly understands the meaning of what we're saying, whether or not she chooses to obey. It can be hard to realize but babies are not clueless, they understand perfectly well what's going on, even if they can't yet articulate.

  14. mamatc said,

    on December 20th, 2006 at 7:01 pm

    So Sorry!

    Jen, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor goats! We are praying for your/their recovery. Poor Coie. I'll have to stop by and cheer her up a little. She thinks it's hilarious when I say GROOVY.

    Thanks for this post too, I'm putting it in my 'when I have more children' file! When I get around to it I'd like to set up a link as well if your 'down wit dat'?

    Blessings and have a great Christmas together!

    traci 🙂

  15. lynan said,

    on December 21st, 2006 at 2:49 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Lets say we're in a store and my 5yo drops a 3 lb weight on his foot and begins to wail. Would you still be my friend? ;0)

    Seriously tho, we are working on the no whining and crying quietly.

  16. JenIG said,

    on December 21st, 2006 at 4:27 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Lynan, if your kid dropped a 3lb weight on their foot, i'd be wailing with them… i know how *bad* that hurts!

  17. dawilli said,

    on December 21st, 2006 at 6:23 pm


    I appreciated this,

    have a good one,

    enjoy them,



    on December 21st, 2006 at 6:37 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Coie makes great candy. Thanks for bringing the candy by tonioght. My family is eating it all up. I have not heard any complaints. I am thankful for your friendship and will be sure to stop in one day and visit when we pass through on our way to Tazwell. Make sure you have yoru jammies on!! You *MUST* come by and visit our new place. We're building a little cabin on it to camp in. You and your precious girls are so thoughtful. I miss seeing you all. So glad you stopped by – even if we were in our jammies… hahahhaha



  19. Testimony said,

    on December 21st, 2006 at 8:20 pm

    Hi, Jen!

    Just wanted to wish you and your family a very happy and peaceful Christmas!

    I'm saying it, "Merry Christmas!"


  20. quietcajun said,

    on December 21st, 2006 at 9:22 pm

    Untitled Comment

    I really love this. I have been telling my children to cry quietly for years… when Hannah split her chin open at swimming lessons and was truely hurt I knelt down in front of her and told her softly (she had to calm down to HEAR me) that I understood that she was in pain, but crying would not make it feel better and in fact, her crying was making it bleed more and it was preventing me from properly helping her. She instantly stopped shrieking and began to cry more "with her tears" and less " with her voice" as we say it.

    All of the mothers around must have thought I threatened something awful b/c they all said, "WHAT did you say to her to make her stop screaming?" I told them the truth and they just looked at me suspiciously. But her calmer reaction helped me to get her out of her wet swim suit, into her clothes, get the other four children headed in the right direction and apply pressure to the wound all the while.

    I was so thankful for "cry quietly" that day!

  21. Jocelyndixon said,

    on December 21st, 2006 at 9:54 pm

    Untitled Comment

    hmmm… what can I say… I think I've bugged you enough for one day…

    Mára mesta,

    Ms. Jocelyn

    Ps. unfortunately with all this stuff changing on HSB, I can't link my latest post! Sorry.. stop by soon anyways!!

    Don't forget to stop over at the OneBlogToRuleThemAll too!

  22. AussieinAmerica said,

    on December 22nd, 2006 at 12:39 am


    I just wanted to chime in and say what a great post this is. It is a great blessing to me to have people like you write these things down! Thanks for the helpful tips.

    Hope you have a great Christmas.


Leave a reply