Jeneric Jeneralities ~ by JenIG
May 24th, 2007
Free Stuff and Funnies

I hope you are making plans to come out for A.T.I.C this monday!  What’s A.T.I.C. ?  It’s a FREE garage sale.  Yep, a big group of us are getting together and bringing all sorts of stuff we don’t use anymore — clothes, books, lamps, rugs, curtains, roller skates, whatever.  It’ll all get laid out nice and neat-like on some tables and then everyone who shows up is free to take anything they want and as much as they want — and it’s all for free.  neat, eh?  Email me or Maria if you need more info.  I really hope you can make it!

*** And now, just for fun… my friend Jen G emailed this to me – and if you are writer, or an aspiring writer, you will appreciate these sublime analogies.  If you ever get writers block, perhaps you can swipe one of them as your own.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (My personal favorite)

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

My personal favorites were numbers 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 16, 19, 20, 21, and 22.

May 24th, 2007 - Posted in Uncategorized | | 0 Comments

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  1. Mom2angels said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Hi Jen, could you please email me more info about ATIC? Thank you,

    Judy W

  2. 2peter318 said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 5:15 pm

    <i>Untitled Comment</i>

    I would love to come to that "garage sale" but I'm no where near it, I'm in Idaho. But I'm sure it will be a great time. 🙂


    Edited by 2peter318 on May. 24, 2007 at 3:16 PM

  3. CAgirlwithasoutherndrawl said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    Untitled Comment


    I totally needed that.


  4. VirtuousMaidens said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 8:34 pm

    Shalom to you sister in Christ!

    Shalom to you sister in Christ!

    We'd like to let you know that we've posted!


    Lois, the SIMPLE

  5. His4life said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 10:21 pm


    It's late, they are funny 🙂 and some of them even made my brain hurt. (Hee, hee sometimes that doesn't take much!)

    Love ya!


  6. debbiecorley said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    Untitled Comment

    #19 made me laugh out loud.

  7. MamaMahnken said,

    on May 24th, 2007 at 10:39 pm

    I'm NOT wierd, I promise….

    well maybe a little. But I'm NOT a stalker or anything creepy like that, which you should keep in mind when I tell you that I had a dream the other night starring the whole Ig family, from you and Geoff right on down to James. YES, I realize that we have never met. It's your (and Coie's and Ryann's) fault for blogging so much and posting so many pics – I feel like I know you of course. And in my dream we met. SO maybe we should IRL? Mapquest says its a mere 6 hour drive to your neck of the woods. That's nothing – our last road trip was 2,400 miles…

    On another note, tell Coie not to post about her allergies anymore – reading abour hers made MINE flare up and now my eyes are all itchy and painful and red too! I'm not kidding, it would be funny if it weren't real. At least, she should post a warning first 🙂


  8. cryskey said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 10:06 am


    However, when I read number 10, I got a visual in my head (that just happens sometimes) and it made me want to throw up. Ewwww, gross!

    Have a good weekend! : )


  9. foxvalleyfamily said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 10:45 am


    Thanks for the laugh…I needed that this morning!

    Michelle W.

  10. onfire said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 1:23 pm

    that's IT!!!

    number five was absolutely NOT funny … it should have been about American peanut butter … THAT would have made me laugh.

    I cannot believe it was one of your personal favourites … it makes me want to come over to your house and make a scratch mark on your newly painted diningroom or something.


  11. onfire said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 1:26 pm

    umm … ahhh

    you actually didn't list the one about Canadian beef as one of your personal favourites … so … umm … ok… I'll come and erase the pen mark on your wall now.

    (yep, I AM left in charge of math in this house)

  12. JenIG said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Kristina, you can only come over and scratch up my paint (and then erase it afterwards) if you lay off the sauce.

    your first comment actually made ME laugh out loud and that does not happen very often. you get 14 points and a half a bag of miniature recees peanut butter cups

  13. Melkhi said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 2:29 pm

    Untitled Comment


  14. Anonymous said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    Love it.

    So cute. Gotta keep this one! 🙂

    – Heather (Sprittibee)

  15. kellieann said,

    on May 25th, 2007 at 9:05 pm

    Untitled Comment

    Oooohhhh….wish I could come to your yard "sale"…that sounds totally fun!

    I copied and pasted your list and sent it to every aspiring writer I know, which is about….ummm…3 people. It was too funny!

  16. His4life said,

    on May 28th, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    Hi ya:)

    Thanks sooo much for organizing ATIC!! I am soooo glad that we came today!:) We were blessed in sooo many ways!!!! I came just for the fellowship and was not planning on taking anything home with me! Well, as you could see, that was not the case! I was dumbstruck, (although I don't know why:)), that God met our needs sooo HUGELY!!! Isn't that so just like HIM!!!!

    You are such a precious blessing!! May God bless you and your family:)



  17. SuzyScribbles said,

    on May 30th, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    Fun stuff!

    I loved these similes/metaphors/word plays. Thanks for posting. I'm a newbie here and found your site by pushing that "random blogger" button at the top of the page. I AM a writer so these touched my funny bone.


  18. GingerForJesus said,

    on June 6th, 2007 at 8:25 pm


    Hi-I really enjoyed your page! You are a blessing! If you would like to email me my address is: I homeschooled my older children for 5 years and will start homeschooling my soon-to-be 5 year old this fall!

    Your new friend, Ginger Tallie

  19. Tamara said,

    on July 16th, 2007 at 6:11 pm

    Analogies, similes and metaphors

    Thanks for your whole blog site. I'm not much into blogs but sort of stumbled onto yours whilst researching a valid topic online. Funny how the computer can do that. Anyway, I was intrigued and so I read and enjoyed and then HOWLED at this entry. Your favorites were my favorites also. Serious me needed to read these and enjoy. Thanks so much. You are refreshing. (homeschooling since 1988….veterans need to laugh!)

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