Lessons From a Bee
Today, Sir James (age 3) was inside the covered porch (which we affectionately refer to as ‘the cage); he was watching his brothers’ speed around on the four wheeler. All of a sudden I looked out the window and I saw him in the cage sobbing. Just SOBBING. So, being the overly sugar coated soft hearted fairy princess mommy that I am, I went out, put my hands on my hips and said, “Boy, you better stop that *right* now”, for you see, I assumed that he was being a big crybaby because his brothers went riding off around the other side of the house and I figured he was bored since he couldn’t see them anymore. And I was a little astonished, because we don’t put up with that kind of “my-feelings-are-hurt-so-I’m-gonna-have-a-cow” nonsense here at The House of Igarashi. Well, the boy kept crying, and as I approached he was able to (somewhat) clearly explain, “I no like de bee. Dat bee bite my feenguh” And yep, sure enough, there was a defiant looking bee bouncing against the screen. So I kissed James little head and said, “yes, that’s right, you mustn’t touch a bee because it will sting you”. I asked him later on that evening if he wanted to go back outside and touch a bee and he said, with much consternation, “Bee? NO! Bee big twubbah”. Yep. bees are big trouble. I doubt he’ll purposely touch a bee ever again. I don’t think it’s an accident that God put these sorts of life lessons (like bee stings, kitty scratches, poison ivy, etc) in nature to parallel how we, as parents, can be effective in our training. In one quick ‘lesson’ my son was ‘trained’ not to touch bees. Snap… just like that. How? It was because the immediate result that came from touching a bee was unpleasant enough to make him stop for good. Equally important, it should be noted that in order to get the point across to James, the bee did not have to shake its little fist, scream and rant, abuse him, injure him emotionally, frown sternly or make a long speech about "how it hurt his little bee-heart to have to sting poor James but blah blah blah". It’s simple cause and effect. It works everytime. I wish more parents could truly understand this concept. Their life (and their child’s life) could be so much easier if they simply stopped bad behaviour in its tracks instead of repeatedly battling life-long issues half-heartedly. Long drawn out battles (especially over the same bad behaviour) are wearisome for both parent and child. And it also has an added danger of fostering resentment, bitterness or just a plain dislike (or hatred) for one another. ‘Time-outs’, angry looks, withdrawn affection, or speeches of how "it hurts mommy’s heart when you do that" certainly are unpleasant… but generally *not* going to stop repeated bad behaviour (such as whining, defiantly saying no, throwing fits, hitting others, moping, or not obeying cheerfully the first time). Lastly, I cannot stress enough that any consequenes given should never *ever* be done in anger/violence. Angry discipline will always reap bad fruit. If you cannot control yourself, that needs to get under control like, yesterday. I don’t reckon this entry will get many comments on account of it being one of them-thar ‘touchy’ subjects that scare people. None-the-less – I hope some of you will find my little Bee Story interesting and thought-provoking. I tell you the truth, it’s one of the proven philosophies that has served my family well.
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May 31st, 2007 - Posted in Uncategorized | | 30 Comments 30 Responses to ' Lessons From a Bee 'Leave a reply |
on May 31st, 2007 at 8:48 pm
no comments?
for princess Igarashi?
how comes it?
I, for one, loved your story. My oldest learned his lesson at age 4 by squirting a bee with water. My youngest learned you shouldn't touch an open chicken pox sore either.
I SHOULD have learned not to touch a burner to discover its warmness properties, but I seem to be a little thicker in the cranial department than my younger counterparts.
k
on May 31st, 2007 at 9:10 pm
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ah yes. those 'short, painful experiences' certainly help to gel in our minds the lesson being learned! this was a great post!! i read your blog all the time with my oldest (14yo) daughter. we always want to know what jenig has to say! once again–excellent work. thanks for speaking up 🙂
deborah
on May 31st, 2007 at 10:09 pm
great post
Brings me back to a great book that's on our shelf collecting dust. I think I bough it from Rod and Staff or a company like that.. it's all about manners, character training.. and it's shaped around Bee's.. well the be content, be kind, be self controled.
But I like the rest of your post too. I've been battling something with my oldest for awhile and I need to stop trying to fix and get out of the way.. I need to let GOD do it and realize it may not be in my timing.. duh.. you think?? LOL.
Thanks for the good swift kick in the pants..
Have a great weekend
on May 31st, 2007 at 10:21 pm
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i agree with that! things go so much nicer when mom is on top of things here and disciplines as quickly as that bee.
on May 31st, 2007 at 10:21 pm
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Good post for me as I am battling some issues here with some of my younger children here at home.
I have read the book that the poster above mentione. It is A HIVE OF BUSY BEES. My children loved that book. I may read it again this summer. I highly recomend it!
Love,
Maria
on May 31st, 2007 at 10:37 pm
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Thanks, Jen. I needed this reminder today. I never thought about withdrawing affection before, but as soon as I read that, I recognized myself. Ouch.
on May 31st, 2007 at 10:51 pm
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That was an awesome post. It is true, and very thought provoking. Thank you so much for writing it. 🙂
JoAnn
on June 1st, 2007 at 1:51 am
Hiya Jen!
Thanks for the sharp reminder! We are struggling with some bad attitudes and non-first time obeidence at the moment and I needed the reminder of how important it is to deal with it and to deal with it RIGHT!
And what is with the wacky comment above mine???? I have seen this one on several friends blogs!
on June 1st, 2007 at 7:07 am
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GREAT post! Yep, works *every* time!
(That guy with the super long comment misspelled "predatory". teehee)
on June 1st, 2007 at 7:31 am
Hi
Great blog. Love things that challenge me to be a better servant to the Lord Jesus, and a better momma to my treasures. Don't you love anonymous posts?
In Christ,
Geanine
Edited by mom2fourtreasures on Jun. 1, 2007 at 5:37 AM
on June 1st, 2007 at 7:39 am
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hi deedee, i just deleted his long rant. i think he is looking for a congregation for his new religion. he came to the wrong place, methinks
kuk-koooo … kuk-koooo.
on June 1st, 2007 at 8:00 am
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Sorry! The above anonymous comment was me.
Myfriendconnie
http://www.smockityfrocks.blogspot.com
on June 1st, 2007 at 8:06 am
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ah! my friend smockity! i can't believe you read enough of that rant to catch his misspelling. LOL. good eye. you get 12 points and a spelling bee badge.
get it? spelling bee? haha, i kill myself
on June 1st, 2007 at 9:37 am
HI sweet friend:)
Thanks for this post, I'll be thinking about it today. Sometimes I tend to lecture rather than keeping it short and simple. 🙁 I need to work on this, among a gazillion other things!!! Thankfully God is patient with me!:)
Thanks for the comments, yes we should get together soon!:)
Love you!
Angie:)
on June 1st, 2007 at 10:53 am
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Oh how VERY right you are! Excuse me… I think I need to go correct someone correctly!
on June 1st, 2007 at 11:50 am
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Well said, and it was encouraging to read that bees and Igs train like we do! 🙂
on June 1st, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Yeah right!
I bet you'll have tons of comments singing your praises. You SHOULD anyway-because what you say is hit the nail on the head true and I loved especially the part about the bee being hurt by having to sting him.
If it is SO blatently OBVIOUS to so many…WHY doesn't EVERYONE get it? THAT is one of lifes mysteries. Ah well.
At least I now know of ONE good spokesman. Keep changing the world Jen! There are lots of people listening!
Rebecca from Renaissance
http://www.zeahrenaissance.blogspot.com
on June 1st, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I SO agree!
A little 'sting' (whether it be on the finger or the bottom) IS a very effective teaching tool isn't it! 😉
And yet, I often forget myself…and try the other tactics you described above…usually without success.
(I guess I still need some 'teaching' myself!)
Thanks for the reminder!
Michelle
on June 1st, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Thanks!
Jen,
Thank you so much for being true to what God wants for our children – and us. I have an almost 5 year old and a 9 month old, and God has been training me to train them. As I read this, I am sitting and training my 9 month old to not touch the blinds. Every time he gets a hard flick on his hand. Now when I say "No" he quickly pulls back his hand and looks at me. This may be boring to read, but it is exciting for me to see him learning. I hope that when he is older and his heavenly father says, "No", that he will stop and look at Him.
By the way, I also enjoy your book club! I desire to have Ishmael's work ethic and persistance.
Much affection,
Jo
on June 1st, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Good reminder
for us to skip the lectures and work on the consequences.
I am in your lovely State, I think. Wondering how close I am to your beautiful family. It is the first time I have been to Tennessee. We'll be here until Tuesday, and then off to NC, another new place for me.
Blessings,
Karen
on June 2nd, 2007 at 8:29 am
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hi Karen! are you near Pigeon Forge / Gatlinburg? you should totally come over for a tour of Curry Farm! come around six pm and we'll let you help milk the goats.
🙂 email me if you are nearby
on June 2nd, 2007 at 4:08 pm
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I agree. Nip it in the bud! I found early on that being overly "patient" only created a high maintainence child. I found myself feeling very irritable and lacking the joy that should come from having children around. Nip it quickly, and then move on…
on June 3rd, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Great Reminder!
I enjoyed your post and thought it was a very good reminder for parents. Thanks!
Stacy
on June 4th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
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Thanks for the heart-felt conviciton—I'm sure you hear this enough but did you know that you are truly someone who's experiences and insights to those experiences can open someone else's eyes? I appreciate every word you type!!!
on June 4th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
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I'll comment:):):)
Amen, sister!!!
on June 4th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Have you got a hidden camera in my house?
In addition to being queenofthehill, I'm queen-of-the-ugly-look. I dramatize, I glare, I point and shake my index finger in feigned horror at whatever the indiscretion. Why do I resist the lesson of the bee?
Thanks for the well-written reminder.
on June 5th, 2007 at 10:41 am
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Beautiful.
Now I half expect that next time I'm pulling one of those discipline no-no's that God will send a bee buzzing by to remind me to "make it sharp & quick"
Parenting is so full of learning experinces for the parents, it's a wonder the kids get anything out of it at all.
Mrs N
on June 6th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
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Joining this one late, as usual.
My personal "fave" is the raised eyebrow. I'm very good at it. My son, 8, when I catch his eye and he's about to do something or say something and I really don't want to call attention to it other than just between he and I, gets "the eyebrow raise". It's sort of a, "Are you sure you want to continue?" He usually gets the point and it's discreet. At home, however, I agree – sharp and quick is best (though I, like a lot of other moms I see, forget it all too often and "go soft"). Thanks Jen!
on June 7th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Bzzzz
Bee here – stopping in to say you are spot on! 😉
on December 14th, 2008 at 10:08 am
.