I Wanna Be A Buffalo
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**edit and update** the video is now linked to below Ok, so I was laying in bed trying to sleep, missing Geoff and totally wishing I was a buffalo – yes, a buffalo – I will explain that in a minute. Anyways, as I was wishing to be in a buffalo herd I was also thinking about my little sister. Now just so you know, this is a very personal blog post where you will get to see my very ugly side; it may induce you to never come back. But none-the-less, it is what it is, and I’ve turned off the comments for this post because I don’t think I could take it. This is hard enough as it is. About twelve years ago my mom died and my eleven year old sister ended up coming to live with me. That girl drove me nuts. NUTS. In her short career as ‘my daughter’ we butted heads like nothing you’ve ever seen. The short story is that eventually she ran away and went to live with our biological father. I was crushed, devastated, humiliated, angry and disgusted with her. Soon after, we were partially reconciled, and I say ‘partially’ because I ended up putting her on ‘probation’. This meant that even tho she begged forgiveness and cried quarts for hurting us so badly, I kept track of any subsequent dumb decisions she made and when I thought she was being immature / disrespectful / unwise / worldly or flat out ‘in sin’, I would pull away from her and treat her with disdain. Yes, I know that is sick, but it does have a happy ending if you care to keep reading. Anyways, I cut her off last year when she did something that ended up ‘causing an issue’ which really upset me. And since she did not ‘repent’ immediately for it I wrote her off, ignored her emails, or would give these cold condescending civil replies if she tried to contact me. Her husband (who was her fiancé at the time) even came for a visit when he was in the area for business and I treated him with a cool indifference – despite the fact that he was completely alone and was trying his hardest to be a part of our family. GROSS! The fact that this man continues to be kind to me is fully astonishing. Ok, here is where things turn around. About three months ago God totally started opening my eyes to what a pig I am and how totally OFF my perception has been with ‘dealing with those in sin or supposed sin’. Believe it or not, I had convinced myself that ‘shunning / ignoring’ a person was the appropriate way to act. Good Lord I am an idiot. I had been deceived into thinking that being ‘unkind’ was actually ‘kindness’ because it caused a person to ‘turn from sin’. WHAT. A. LIE. The truth is, if we claim Christ, we are never justified in being unkind, cold, indifferent, or cruel. Even if true serious sin needs to addressed or dealt with, it should be in love – and love is kind, gentle, long-suffering, it seeks to elevate others, it is hopeful, assumes the best, etc. . When I finally got a clue, I approached my little sister in the simple way of emailing her and asking her how the wedding plans were coming along (believe it or not, she had called several months earlier and left a message that she got engaged but I had ignored the call because she had not ‘repented for gossiping’ yet — gossip… how ironic). So anyways, like I said, when I started getting a clue, I emailed her and said something along the lines of, “hey, I was thinking about you and I hope the wedding plans are going well”. That simple email caused her to break down and cry and cry and cry. She wrote me these long letters thanking me so much for caring about the wedding enough to ask about it. She sent gifts in the mail and continual emails thanking me for wanting to ‘share this special time with her’ and for being a part of her life. Yes, I know. Why do think I’ve turned off the comments here? It shames me like you would not believe, and I write this in tears of humiliation and regret. Ok, I’m almost done: I was thinking about her tonight because every few days or so she sends me these emails apologizing for things that she said or has posted on her blog. CONSTANTLY. Why do you think she does this? I know why. Her last email said something to the effect of, “I am so amazed that you love me, I am such an idiot and always do such stupid things that I am constantly regretting from one minute to the next. Thank you for loving me despite that”. Ok… that right there put me over the edge. The only thing that calms my sick stomach is knowing that God still loves ME enough to open my eyes and help me change. How unlike Him I have been! He is so patient, SO PATIENT — while I have been so quick to judge and condemn those who should be able to trust me and rely on me and count on me to ‘bear with them’. I came THIS close to missing my sister’s entire wedding because of my foolishness. She called me the day of her wedding and said how terribly she missed our mom and how it meant the world to her knowing that I was rejoicing with her and praying for her on that day. Ok, so you’re still wondering about the whole buffalo thing, yes? Well, me and Coie watched this video today on YouTube. It was a real video. There was this herd of buffalo on the bank of this river, right? And all of a sudden these lions came running over and picked off one the small little baby buffalo. These four lions started dragging it away but they were too close to the river so the baby and a couple of the lions ended up falling in. Well even in the water these lions wouldn’t let go – they kept biting at the baby and trying to drag it back up the bank. BUT THEN these two crocodiles came over and grabbed the baby and started pulling it BACK INTO the river. A fight ensued and the lions were able to pull the baby buffalo (literally) to shore. The baby buffalo was a goner, the baby buffalo was done for, but then… but THEN… you seriously need to watch the video to believe this, but THEN the entire herd of buffalo turns around and comes BACK into the picture. Slowly, side by side, these buffalo approached the lions. There was a short stand off but then the buffalo began charging at the lions and the baby buffalo got UP and ran into the safety of its family. That herd of buffalo displayed more corporate Christ-like behaviour than *many* who proclaim Christ. They did not abandon the baby – they FOUGHT for that baby and risked their own safety to get him back. Naturally, the analogy breaks down if you take it too far, but when me and Coie were watching that video clip I was almost in tears, and I told her. “I totally want to be a buffalo in a herd like that”. My husband says that Christians are known ‘to eat their own’. How can that be when God’s Word says the world will know us because of our great love for one another? Happy Birthday, Jessica, you are my dear dear dear lovely girl. I write this publicly for your sake alone… because I want you to know how much i love you. And because I want you to STOP constantly asking me if you’re in trouble. ** edit ** a huge thanks to MyFriendConnie who found the buffalo clip! You can see the incredible video HERE |
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June 15th, 2007 - Posted in Uncategorized | | 1 Comments One Response to ' I Wanna Be A Buffalo 'Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time. |
on December 1st, 2008 at 1:23 am
[…] yet it wasn’t all bad. Most notably, I had a major life-changing reconciliation with my sister. This was no small thing. I also had a major reconciliation and began a new […]