I Made Dinner. Where's My Treat?
Last month, when it was Emmiko’s 12th birthday, I told my kids a story. They love hearing tales of when their momsie was a monstrosity of bad behavior. I think most of the time they don’t believe me even though I assure them my stories are heinous but true. So anyways, I told them the story of when I was about 11 or 12 – it was the morning of my birthday and things were busy and hectic. …that right there was a real problem because *everybody* knows when it’s your birthday the world is supposed to come to a screeching halt to worship you with proper homage and due veneration. Not only was the house too busy to properly reverence me, but my mother had the nerve to ask me, ME, Princess Jenny, to clean my room. I told my kids that I slunk off to my room and started pacing in circles, working up a flood of emotion and then threw myself on my unmade bed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, getting louder and louder and louder, until FINALLY my mother heard me and rushed to my bedside. She asked the ‘what’s wrong, honey?’ question, to which I whispered in a tremulous voice, “You want me to clean my room?” My mom said, “Yes Jenny, this is a busy day, I really need you to pick up your stuff.” This was exactly what I was waiting for, and so on que, in the most sniveling, pathetic voice I could muster (and at this point I looked at all my children and contorted and scrunched up my face REALLY ugly), and I wailed, “but, but BUT, it’s my BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAY” I put Nellie Olson to shame. My kids laughed and laughed and laughed. And they all said, “no way, mom, there is NO WAY you would do that” and I told them, “Oh yes I did, and what’s more, my mother felt SORRY for me” and in shock they all doubled over and laughed their little goofy heads off. My point? Well, the other day I was listening to this lady (I had never met her before) who was telling this other lady about how she had been debating whether or not to reward her kids when they did their chores. And she said that her mother told her that it would be appropriate to maybe give them a little piece of candy when they did the things they were supposed to do. I almost came out of my chair, but I kept my mouth shut. The lady went on to say, “And it makes sense, you know, after all my son knows that his dad gets a ‘reward’ when he goes to work, so I figure I should do the same”. I still kept my mouth almost shut – I sweetly smiled and butted in to say, “Hmmmm, you should order the free newsletter from No Greater Joy, they have great practical parenting ideas” But what I *really* wanted to say was that her husband did not get ‘rewarded’ for his hard work. Rather, he gets to eat and to feed his family, he gets to dress himself and his family, and he doesn’t have to live in a cardboard box in the parking lot of K-Mart. Rewarded for doing what you *have* to do? He may get a Christmas bonus, and that would be a reward for a full year of hard work, but for everyday duties that were required? His reward is that he doesn’t get fired. It would be a much better lesson to have her kid make the bed and then give him breakfast. Or even better, a sweet smile and an affirming, “Well done son, I am pleased at how quickly you obeyed me”. But candy? For doing what he’s supposed to do? What if he decides he’s not in the mood for candy? Does his bed stay unmade? Are you not able to simply tell your child, “Make your bed, son” without him doing what he’s told? I was scared for this mom. This kid is a prime candidate to grow up to expect more than what he should naturally get. We live in a fallen world and even God said that our men would have to earn their bread by hard work and the sweat of their brow. So why instill this idea that our kids deserve ‘certain things’ without working hard? Clothes, food, a bed, a house, birthday and Christmas toys? Why fool them? What a mean trick. We need to prepare them for real life, which in turn produces a natural reaction of thankfulness. When they no longer *expect* things, then it really means something to get an unexpected piece of candy — and they’re thankful. But it’s our job as parents to teach them that they need to be hard workers so they can grow up take care of themselves and/or their family. We’re training for real life here. See? That’s what I get for eavesdropping. I’ve been thinking about that poor lady and her kid all week. And in other news, I found this great recipe to make Cream of Wheat. It’s for all of us weirdsy, stereotypical homeschool momsies who grind their own wheat. You take one cup of ground wheat and mix it with one cup of water. And then you boil three cups of water with a dash of salt – and when it really starts to boil you dump your wheat and water mixture in there and stir it up for a few minutes. Voila. That’s it. My kids have been pigging that stuff down every morning. They can’t get enough of it. To make it *really* good, serve it with buttered toast for dunking. Talk about cheap and easy. That was a great find. AND, a special thanks to Kris A. (Kait the Great’s mom) who mailed me a card and a butternut soup recipe that actually looks good. It has CURRY in it. This woman knows me well. I’m going to make it today (don’t worry Kris P, I’ll still have plenty of squashems left over for you this Friday!) Lastly, as if this isn’t long enough, I’m thinking about giving Beginner Guitar lessons. I got the idea from Jess who said she’s gonna start giving them again. She’s given lessons in the past and made about a billion dollars a month. And I figured if SHE can give Beginners Guitar lessons than *I* should be able to, because after all, I’m the one who taught her to play. So I’m gonna look into that. How much do people generally charge for a half hour of music lessons? Any idears? |
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August 21st, 2007 - Posted in Uncategorized | | 0 Comments No Responses to ' I Made Dinner. Where's My Treat? 'Leave a reply |
on August 21st, 2007 at 8:18 am
here in VA
we pay $20 for a half hour lesson. (and I called around to get the cheapest!)
amen to the work/chores/no pay post!
on August 21st, 2007 at 8:18 am
Thank you for the tip!
Okay, again, perfect article at the perfect time for me. Trying to organize a chore chart, etc., and thinking of "rewards" and their validity. I know which route to take now. Thanks again for the wisdom.
As for the guitar lessons and cost, a fair price in our area would be $30-40 an hour. What a great way to pick up some extra cash. Let us know how it goes!!
on August 21st, 2007 at 8:30 am
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My son's guitar lessons are $20 for a 1/2 hour. Thanks for the "cream of wheat" recipe. I'll be making that one tomorrow. And for the record I don't think you look anything like that girl from "Square Pegs." 😉
on August 21st, 2007 at 8:43 am
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Jen: Around these parts guitar lessons go for $10-15/half-hour lesson. We pay $12.
on August 21st, 2007 at 9:54 am
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My kids pay $12 for piano lessons ( but that's a deal because it is from our pastor's mom.) I think $15-$20 is average.
Your advice on chores was 'spot on' and very timely! My son asked me this morning…"Mom, can I do chores and get an allowance?" To which I said…"Well…I'll grant 1/2 of your wish!" 😉
Have a wonderful day!
Michelle W.
on August 21st, 2007 at 10:03 am
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Bravo! Bravo! I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut too. Here in northern VA we pay $28 for a half-hour lesson – pretty expensive – and we paid that much just outside of Nashville, too, so maybe it's not that far off. Karen (bensrib)
on August 21st, 2007 at 10:04 am
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great post. Around here it is probably around 10-12 dollars per lesson which is usually 1/2 hour. (Northwest) O, woman of great wisdom, what can I do about a child who can't keep her mouth shut? She has unkind words and complaining and unthankfulness all the time. She is a glass is half empty kind of girl. Any suggestions?
Susan
on August 21st, 2007 at 11:17 am
Great post, Jen
We have used the Bible phrase, "If you will not work, you should not eat" around here for quite some time. <i>His reward is that he doesn’t get fired.</i> LOL!
It is a sad thing that parents buy into the whole 'my children need a reward' for working (which is actually character-training, anyway, isn't it?). I think that is the psycho-babble that has been going around for the past – well, what? 50 years? talking.
Don't you think, if we get the Word into them, there isn't that me-me-me pull from the world like there is for other parents/children?
"Allowance" is that they are provided for. We give allowance in the form of meals, a home to live in, clothes to wear and other little things like treats and trips to the library to get their favorite books or movies and, if they need money for something… well, we let them do odd jobs and clean for our neighbor, who pays them, then we help if they need a little more. But they know there is no such thing as a free lunch… Our children 'earn' these allowances by working around our home, cooking and cleaning and taking care of siblings and animals.
But, really… all you have to do is take a look around at the adults in this world to see that all the psycho-babble of "you deserve a break today" and all the other feel-good, me-first lines we have been fed to see that this lady's philosophy doesn't work!
I just posted our chore stuff: http://www.homesteadblogger.com/jacquedixon/66798/
Cream of wheat… my favorite. I would love to grind our own… and I think you giving guitar lessons is a great idea. No clue what they charge anymore.
Now, I'm off to re-remind ds10 of the 2 Thessalonians 3:10 mantra…. 😉
blessings, J
on August 21st, 2007 at 11:31 am
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well said, Jacque!
🙂
on August 21st, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Nice post
My dh charges $15 for a 1/2 hour drum lesson. That is the going rate here way down South!
I'm going to have my children read your post and Jacque Dixon's reply. Then they will realize that we are not the ogres they think we are!
on August 21st, 2007 at 2:23 pm
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Told ya my $20 1/2 hour wasn't too much!
I'm not the authority on child training- FAR, FAR from it.. i don't even have kids yet! However, When I do have them.. which will hopefully be within the next 2 years, I agree 100% with your "work because it's right, not because there's a treat at the end" philosophy. However, I *do* think it's neat if the child can find ways to earn money (be it mowing the lawn for neighbors, helping mom with a home based business, etc), so they can be taught how to wisely manage their money, tithe, purchase b-day gifts for little friends themselves instead of relying on mom, and experience sharing it with others who they know need it more than them (i.e. buying some groceries for a family hurting financially, etc).
But I so appreciate having an older sister who I can call on someday when I do have kids.. someone I can trust to give me wise counsel and advice on how to handle specific situations, etc.
love ya,
jess
on August 21st, 2007 at 2:27 pm
rewards
Jen, great post! We agree with all that has been written and would like to add that we do give our children an allowance every pay day. For this is how my husband is teaching them to manage their money. We do not buy our children many things outside of the necessities and they are responsible to pay for the gifts they give to each other, us, family members and save for any extra or special things they may want. They learn that the Lord loves a cheerful giver and that things that we want are expensive and purchases must be made very carefully. We also would like to raise our children to be debt-free adults and encourage them to save their money and to never live beyond their means.
Love in Christ,
Christine
on August 21st, 2007 at 3:34 pm
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We don't give allowances for daily chores. They help make the mess, they are expected to help clean it. I do however have a list of "extra chores" that they can do to earn money. Marissa is slowly but surely saving to help pay for a new comforter for her bed. We also teach them to tithe off that money they earn. For the older girls, they do have a pretty good size allowance that is not tied to their chores. We did this to teach them to save and budget. They pay for all of their own stuff, including clothes, and manage their bank and savings accounts. Yes, we could require them to work outside the home, but we chose not to. They work a lot here, and it is needed.
Can't help you on the guitar lessons, but if you weren't so far away, I'm sure AShley would take, and maybe Marissa. Why don't you and Coie come to my house every week and teach sewing and guitar lessons??!!
Actually as far as price, we pay $45 per month for piano, and $59 per month for a one and a half hour ballet/pointe class.
Letitia
on August 21st, 2007 at 3:35 pm
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Great post!
We once knew some parents who would give the child gum to stay in bed all night. We always wondered what would happen if they ran out of gum. What's weird is our kids stay in bed just because we have told them to.
Doesn't a billion dollars a month work out to $257/hour?
Myfriendconnie
http://www.smockityfrocks.blogspot.com
on August 21st, 2007 at 3:48 pm
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I also made a great lunch for my kids today…..
where's my treat?
just a little bit of candy please?
Emily
thelearningneverstops.blogspot.com
on August 21st, 2007 at 4:07 pm
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i'm sure you'd be great at guitar lessons. go for it! my girls take gymnastics and pay $35 per month. i don't know anything about guitar lessons though but that might give you an idea.
my daughter's birthday is saturday. sadly, she'll still have to make her bed.
on August 21st, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Hourly wage
Actually, assuming merely a 40 hour work week, on average, a month would have 173.3 working hours. A 1 Billion monthly salary comes to just over 5.7 million an hour.
Just to clarify the record. Ooga booga
🙂
on August 21st, 2007 at 4:58 pm
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From a fellow Christian, be warned; even though at times funny, your blog is replete with judgment and a holier-than-thou attitude.
on August 21st, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Dearest Jenefer de Igarashi de Lake Curry
For the record, I have never taken any of your posts to be holier-than-thou.
Regarding the preceding comment, there are times that one should ask "Why do *I* feel like her post is holier-than-thou?"
I know that I am most definitely not holier than anybody! But if someone else takes it to be so, then there definitely is a misunderstanding. One that I hope would be taken to me personally and privately… with a name and face attached.
Even now, I find it difficult to mix grace and love with my words and feelings. And this isn't even an IRL thing– it's on the internet for crying out loud. See? There's lots o' work to be done in my camp! And this isn't even my blog! Oi veh.
Anyhoo, I don't like cream of wheat. My mom forced us to eat it when we were little. I should try it again though. I'm sure it would be good doctored up with some butter and brown sugar. Isn't everything? (ahem, including my attitude and words…)
Love,
Marshie– who hopes this doesn't bring on more comments like that.. but if it does, feel free to delete this comment altogether. I don't mind. 🙂
on August 21st, 2007 at 5:57 pm
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Boy, I sure am glad that MY MOMSIE doesn't force ME to make my bed.
on August 21st, 2007 at 6:07 pm
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Coie… you hush up and go make your bed. When you're done, make *my* bed. When you're done with that iron my judicial robes (all seven of them) and make sure you use lots of starch.
Marshie… I *heart* you.
Additionally, i like the idea of money management opportunities for the kids. My kids get paid for jobs (that don't fall under the every day chore category)… however, when funds get tight we generally end up raiding their piggy banks. Their lesson is "hide any extra money where mom can't find it"
on August 21st, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Cream of Wheat
Well, seeing as how I'm a Cali native, I'd like to offer some very health-conscious advice on how to eat Cream of Wheat:
It is soooooo good with vanilla ice cream on top! Sometimes my kidlings will ask me if there's any C of W under the ice cream. 😉
Thanks for sharing your wit and thoughts.
Also, thanks for the comment a few days ago. 🙂
on August 21st, 2007 at 6:59 pm
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I feel judged by the person who corrected my math.
Myfriendconnie
http://www.smockityfrocks.blogspot.com
on August 21st, 2007 at 7:16 pm
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MyFriendConnie — R*O*F*L times two.
And i'm not certain, but I would place a large bet that our anonymous Know it All Math Blogger is my brother-in-law, Unka Cha Cha. Don't blame the young man; he was homeschooled.
on August 21st, 2007 at 7:17 pm
math
myfriendconnie,
my apologies on behalf of my husband's correcting your math. I was reading jen's comments today and after reading his (not knowing that he had even read that post), *immediately* knew that he is the only person who would have bothered to go and actually do the math – and then finish his comment with "ooga booga"..
it IS funny to me how much he's been poking around in here, reading people's blogs and such- lol
I tease him for being a snoop- but all in all he's pretty harmless.. 😉
wow, we're losers. 😉
fondly,
jess
btw, babe? aren't you supposed to be working? COME HOME if you're not! i miss you!! 😉
Edited by jess4him on Aug. 21, 2007 at 7:23 PM
on August 21st, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Hi ya:)
I think that I would like to take up guitar lessons next!:):) We actually have about 3 guitars in our home and we know how to play 0 of them!:) We would love to learn!! I would LOVE to learn!!!
J. takes music lessons and it costs us 50.00 a month.:)
Love ya!
Angie:)
P.S. Your cream of wheat recipe sounds YUMMY!!!
on August 21st, 2007 at 10:32 pm
inspirational
We aren't giving our kids allowances yet and this really helped me to put things into perspective. Thanks for sharing this! BTW, I love your birthday story!
God bless!
Liberty ( http://www.oatmealkiss.blogspot.com )
on August 22nd, 2007 at 1:20 am
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Forget guitar lessons! You need to write your own book and sell it! People love real life experiences/examples… and sounds like you've got plenty of them. 🙂 Then you could hand out extra copies to those moms you meet who need a little extra guidance.
~Connie
on August 22nd, 2007 at 7:12 am
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Jen,
I completely agree with what you wrote in this post. It is so sad to see how children are being taught these days. I know that when I was first a mom, I had no idea what I was doing and would have loved to read No Greater Joy and To Train Up a Child. It is only in God's mercy that I have been able to teach my children. Unfortunately, there have been mistakes but that only adds for more teaching with them and showing them that I am not perfect and only Christ in me can make me any better.
I have never felt that your posts are holier than thou. You are very real and very funny. I am usually ROTFL when I'm through here.
Thank you for being real and sincere.
Ruth
on August 22nd, 2007 at 9:48 am
You're Wonderful
Hi Jen,
I'm a frequent, blogless reader of your blog. I wanted to write and say that I find your open, humble blog posts really interesting, touching, and most of the time, funny enough to make me accidentally spit the gum right out of my mouth. You're in NO WAY holier-than-thou; just the opposite! I hope you do write a book, I would love to read it.
April
on August 22nd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
But But But…
"Daddy! I *want* a squirrel!" "I want an umpa lumpa NOW!" You mean you don't want a Veruca Salt for a child? LOL
I love your thoughts, Jen. As always, spot on.
Love you!!
Kate
on August 22nd, 2007 at 2:13 pm
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Seein' as how I have all of 34.78923456 seconds of spare time, I decided to read almost every comment here. Comical, eyeopening *and* controversial! I absolutely love it.
As for the holier-than-thou attitude, I *do* reward my kids….while a lovely smile and a huge hug every time they do what I say. Which means that 95.9973954% of my day is spent hugging those little boogers because they ALWAYS do what I say.
At the end of all my absolutely perfect day, I remove my high heels, flouncy dress complete with sparkling white apron and climb into bed, then I say to myself "I am so glad that I am the bestest mom that ever lived.
Perfection is sooooo dreamy.
~Annemarie
on August 22nd, 2007 at 8:13 pm
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Lol…for a billion a week you should charge an average of $55,555.56 per a half hour. (Just guessing at the amount of hours you plan to teach.)
Let me know how it goes.
on August 22nd, 2007 at 11:28 pm
about the trip and the salesman
we did get the trip but we didn't take it. because when you went on it you had to listen to a talk on condos! it's the sales pitch that never ends!
on August 24th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Memories….
You reminded me of something that happened recently…
My girls are always rolling their eyes at me…for MANY things, but…because their whole life someone has said something that jogs my memory of lines in various songs. Whenever they start groaning about a song I've just sung I tell them, "One of these days you're going to HAPPILY tell YOUR children, 'my mom knew a song that went with EVERYTHING!'"
A couple of weeks ago Jasper was on a campout with our young adult group and as she was singing a song about something, one of the other girls said, "You know a song that goes with EVERYTHING!" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I would have PAID to have seen the look on her face!!
Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><
on August 24th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I agree with you
I was referred to your blog by a friend and have spent much time reading it.
I am adding you to my friends list so I can refer back to your blog. 🙂
on August 29th, 2007 at 10:59 am
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I really gotta come here more often, I miss it here…way to say a lot with saying so little Jen!!!
BTW, I found the game, Timez Attack! Also, thanks for stopping by me blog.
Have a great week and God Bless you all!!!!
0:) Amber