How To Drive Your Doctor Nuts
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So I emailed my favorite Canadian chum and asked her what she was making for dinner (I am trying to incorporate more options into my standard chicken curry, spaghetti, or tacos menu), and she tried to astound me by saying she made kabobs. And I was duly impressed until I scrolled down and saw the picture that she (considerately) snapped of her great epicurean masterpiece… which happened to be a burnt hotdog impaled on a chopstick. I can always count on her to make me snort. Anyways, Coie took me to the eye doctor on Tuesday. And it was a good thing that I didn’t give it too much thought beforehand, because I forgot to remember that I have a great aversion to (many) nurses and practically *all* doctors. And there’s a reason for this. It’s because I think I’m smarter than every single one of them. Seriously. First of all, I was smart enough *not* to waste eight years and thousands of dollars by going to college. Secondly, I’m an expert when it comes to anything “me” related. Therefore, I already know that I know more about me than they do. I spend the most time with me, I’ve know me longer than any other person I’ve ever known, I have always taken careful consideration when anything happens to potentially threaten the health of me or cause potential pain or discomfort, annoyance, irritation, or boredom. Therefore, whenever someone claims to know anything more about me than I do, I have an overwhelming impulse to become impossible to manage.
I can’t help it. I figure it’s my job to tell them what’s wrong with me and then it’s their job to do whatever I tell them to fix me. And as a caveat, I don’t have a problem with *real* authority – for instance, policemen, and that sort, I am happy to submit with cheerfulness (or at least try to, or pretend to). And that also includes other authority types, like my husband or church leadership, etc. But when non authority-types (doctors, dentists, public school administrators, counselor types, etc) starts dictating, then I feel it’s my responsibility to remind them that they wield no actual power. It’s for the sake of all of my fellow plebeians that I do this (ok… it’s really because my pride gets the best of me, but *whatever*) Now don’t get me wrong, I actually ended up liking my new eye doctor and all of the nurses there, but inevitably I couldn’t get out of there without asserting my non-conformist-ness. It started out all right, even tho the registration nurse kept calling me Jean a fur. That’s a horrible thing to call a person. “Jeeeeeeeeeeen a fur… sweetie, you done fergot to sign this here form, honey” So anyways, they finally called me back, “Jeeeeeeeeeeen a fur… honey, jist come on back here, have a seat and put yer little chin rawht thar”. I complied most willingly and stared at a blurry picture of a farmhouse while they snapped pictures of my blue-peepers. .. it was right after that when the trouble started. She said, “Ok, now move over here and put your chin here and open your eye real wide” It wouldn’t have been a problem except that if I obeyed her, my eyeball would have been directly in the line of fire from a diabolical contraption that looked like a machine gun. That’s when my porkypine quills poked up. “Nuh-uh” said I. She looked at me like she didn’t understand. “Just sit right there, honey” she repeated. “No thanks” I said, “I know what that thing is. It’s an eye poofer; I’ll pass”. She looked a little confused and said, “It don’t hurt at all, sweetie, it just blows a puff of air into your eye so we can test for glaucoma”. “Nope” I smiled while I said it so as not to appear rude. “Well,” quoth she, “It’s something that’s required, so just sit right there and it’ll be over in a second” Silly her; that’s where she turned down the wrong path. I’m the one paying THEM money, which means she has to do what *I* say, and not the other way around “Forget it” I said, which, you have to admit is nicer than saying “Oh yeah? Why don’t you just come over here and try to MAKE me”. So once again I got the long exasperated sigh and the eye roll / head shake and she led me back to the exam room. And apparently she tattle-taled on me because the first thing the doctor said when he came in was, “…so I see you refused the glaucoma test; but you know, you really do *have* to do it”. To which I just laughed and told him, “Look, I am *not* taking that test”. And at that point he could tell I was an irrational crazy lady and immediately yielded, and he said, “Ok, just as long as you promise not to hobble in here when you’re 70 and try to sue me for negligence”. “Deal” said I. And then the rest of the appointment went swimmingly. See? If they understand that you cannot be intimidated or cowed like a little preschool child they will stop harassing you. And afterwards when I had to pick out my frames, I was so very pleasant and quick about it that the nurse said I was the easiest most least-pickiest-frame-chooser she ever met. So the moral of the story is, “you know more than you think you do; don’t ever get forced or guilt tripped into having something done to you (or to your kids) that doesn’t make sense or that you know isn’t entirely essential. My husband, on the other hand, does not think this is necessarily a good trait and has pretty much stopped coming with me to appts. since he knows I will inevitably embarrass him. The End. PS they said I need bifocals! How little old lady-ish. I told them forget it, I would only take farsighted ones. And they’re very nerdy frames, just like I was hoping for. All in all, it was a very pleasant day. Oh, and Coie submitted to the eye poof test. She totally takes after her dad. |
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January 10th, 2008 - Posted in Uncategorized | | 0 Comments No Responses to ' How To Drive Your Doctor Nuts 'Leave a reply |
on January 10th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
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I hate the eye-poof test. It's simply horrid, and good for you not subjecting yourself to such horrendousness. You'll have to show us a picture of you with your new spectacles! My eyesight isn't as good as it once was. (Or as bad as it once was; I had laser eye surgery about 8 years ago.) I'm hoping that it's just due to pregnancy hormones though, and that after the baby is born it will be better again. One can always hope….
on January 10th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
you mocked me once …
never do it again.
but seriously, they were kebobs and we really did eat them for dinner. and now neal informs me they are still on sale and I should try again tomorrow.
unbelievable.
on January 10th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
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You are my twin! I have felt like STOMPING my foot sometimes when they tell me that I have to do something. Something about being told what to do….hmmmm.
Like when I was pregnant and they wanted to do 10 zillion tests, I always said, NO. They harassed me for the entire 9 months. My 12 yo son had a physical and I was yet again harassed to get him some stupid meningiccoal (can't spell that) shot. I said, NO thanks. She went on and on and on and on and on about why he needed it. No thanks, was my reply.
sheesh. pushy people!
I LOVE spunk in a gal. You've got it in spades girl!
(and I'm having a baby picture contest at my site…I'd love to see what you looked like as a baby!)
Emily
thelearningneverstops.blogspot.com
on January 10th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
You are my hero…
I posted not too long ago (before Christmas) about my totally being a door mat the kids dr. I could've just kicked myself. I give in EVERY TIME!! I need to get a back bone when I get in there…
I was so impressed with you…I'd have given in…I'm so pathetic!!
on January 10th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
that whole excellent thing
was so much Junie B. Jones-ish.
Do you know these books? you really should if you don't. I mean we aren't talking same calibre as the Kingdom series I'm sure, but your experience and how you related it completely reminded me of Junie B. Jones.
And I'm totally okay with Kristina being your favourite Canadian chum….you've only just barely gotten to know me 🙂
on January 10th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
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can i refuse the tooth scraping in the dentist office?
on January 10th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
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yer gettin perty good at that there accent, honey!
My poor husband has been refusing the bifocals for a while now, but as he's a bit older than you, I'm really hoping he goes for them really really soon…..
on January 10th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
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OH MY GOSH! I have been submitting to that test, for well 20 years, but NO LONGER! Why did I never think to just to refuse it? I don't have glacoma. I never have. And, of all the horrible things that run in my family, glaucoma isn't one, so I seriously doubt I will get it. Next time I am just going to say no, and that goes for my kids too, since I'm pretty fairly 99.9 percent sure they don't have glaucoma either…Thanks Jen, I always learn so much reading your blog 🙂
on January 10th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Don't be bullied!!
"So the moral of the story is, “you know more than you think you do; don’t ever get forced or guilt tripped into having something done to you (or to your kids) that doesn’t make sense or that you know isn't entirely essential."
To which I say…AMEN and AMEN!!!
Also…if you need bi-focals GET THEM!! I turned them down and then found out, while trying to read the tiny writing on the bottom of a lipstick tube, that I really should have gotten them when I was told to the 1st time, so I had to wait another 1-1/2 years until my insurance would pick up another pair of glasses to get them. Get the invisible line bi-focals. Word of warning: although they were a little hard for me to get used to (and were a scream to find the strings on my hammered dulcimer!) they are well worth it.
Another thing…read my blog for 1/8/08…I would much rather have the poof test than go through what we had to go through the last couple of weeks that culminated on Monday night. We've had a sad week.
Blessings from Ohio, Kim Wolf<><
on January 10th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
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He he he, you're too funny. I haven't worn my glasses in a couple years… I'm not even sure where they are… bad me…
I just know that you WILL be posting pics with glasses, I don't think you have the will power not to…
In other words, I double dog dare you!
Enjoy them,
ali
oh- and stop by and click on the link for the how to fold a shirt video. it's a hoot. who knew the domestic arts could be so fun?
on January 10th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
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I hate that eye poof test too… but I have difficulty confronting those I view as authority figures. Actually, when my friend, Diana had appendicitis and I started yelling at the Doctor it brought her to tears (I mean besides the pain tears that she was already crying) b/c she knows how uncomfortable I am with confrontation, but that I would do it for her!
Anyway, looking forward to seeing a picture of you in your new "nerdy" glasses! LOL
on January 11th, 2008 at 12:29 am
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I feel sorry for the people who try to convince you it's time for a colonoscopy!;-)
Susan
on January 11th, 2008 at 12:29 am
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I thought the moral of the story was: Don't ever say that I <i>have</i> to do anything!
That is usually an immediate and resounding NO. Or <i>Yeah, right!</i> Or a big roll of the eyes and a <i>What-ev-uh!</i>
That must be where my kids get it from… but they dare not ever roll their eyes or actually say these things <i>out loud.</i> But it does make me wonder if or how often they <i>think</i> these words!
Edited by drewsfamilytx on Jan. 11, 2008 at 12:30 AM
on January 11th, 2008 at 8:04 am
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The eye poofer? Loved that. So when do we get a picture of your new nerdy frames? And I'm need bifocals too. I thought about getting regular distance glasses and a pair of cute, librarian-type reading glasses to hang around my neck. What do you think?
Karen (bensrib.blogspot.com)
on January 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am
refusal
you know how when a naive child refuses lima beans (that are good for her) because she doesn't want to endure the taste of them? that refusal is sort of like your refusal for the glaucoma test. you should reconsider; glaucoma is more common than one might think. should you refuse things that are there to help you?
deena p. from ohio
on January 11th, 2008 at 8:15 am
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well Susan, you will be surprised! i only become impossible and "only don't do things if / when it's unecessary or seems excessive". i am all for tests that make sense. matter of fact, i have already had one because colon cancer runs in my family. 🙂
on January 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
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Deena… sorry, you must have been posting the same time i was, otherwise i would have included this response above.
if my child refuses their lima beans, i spank them. i am their undeniable authority. when they are adults and i tell them to eat their lima beans, they have the freedom to tell me no and (at that point) make their own decisions. i also refuse to eat lima beans now that i am an adult, and just because they 'may' be good for me, my refusal to not eat them has not done me any harm.
when other 'authorities' (that aren't real authorites) tell me i have to do something for my own good, like a glaucoma test that i've already had ten times before, or like putting my kids into public school, for instance, then i most certainly feel it is my right and responsibility to know why I stand for what i stand and then make my decision based on that. just because somebody says something is good for me will not induce me to submit. there has been too many foolish things that have happened in the history of human beings who fall into the thinking of "there are experts out there who know more than everybody else and should be submitted to without question" i prefer to be a "Oh yeah? Prove it" girl
submitting to experts vs submitting to real authority are two entirely different ballgames.
🙂 thanks for your comment, deena!
on January 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am
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Oh my goodness,
You certainly know how to make me laugh! I hate that test, and I can just picture you refusing! That's great!
I really do need to be more of an advocate for myself when it comes to medical 'experts.' Good for you!
I can't wait to see your new glasses. I need to get new frames, too, as my 3 yr old has a knack for destroying them.
God Bless,
Michelle
on January 11th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I'm the passive one…
This is one area that we are NOT alike. See, I'll go to the doctor, do everything they say with fervent agreement, but then go home and do the exact OPPOSITE of what they instructed me to do. And I'm the whiner. when I'm in the doctor's office, half of the time goes to me explaining that I'm a big whimp and to "go easy on me".. and constantly questioning: "is this going to hurt???" "i don't like pain…" "seriously sir, i WILL kick you- it's a natural reflex". I WISH i were as bold as you, but alas, I rather just pretend to be compliant, and then do my own thing- just as YOU said, I DO know myself best!
That was one of the funniest posts I've read in a looong time.
on January 11th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
You are precious in His sight and so is your sight.
Hi Jen. I totally understand where you are coming from about not wanting this test but please hear me out. I am a stay at home mom now but I used to be a receptionist in an eye clinic. I have watched people lose their vision when it could have been prevented due to unknown glaucoma. It was very sad. I would strongly advise you that a glaucoma test, although seeming like a pain and that you are giving in to their demands, really is for your own good. Glaucoma can rob you of your vision and usually has no symptoms until vision loss occurs. By doing that test they can measure the pressure in your eyes and treat it accordingly if needed to save your vision. A poof of air may be a pain but losing your vision when it could be prevented would be even worse. I saw what people went through and I guarantee you that any of those people who lost their sight because of glaucoma would beg you to take that test seriously. I have nothing at stake in this and I am no authority figure. I'm only writing this as someone who cares. I watched people with NO family history and zero symptoms find out through that poof test that they had this potentially blinding disease. Young people and old. It doesn't discriminate. I totally understand where you are coming from on having the right to refuse certain things but for the love of yourself and your family I'd think twice on refusing that poof of air. That is how they catch glaucoma and can treat it to prevent vision loss. Once it is too advanced it is usually too late to save your sight.
Ok, I'm done now :). God bless you :)- Amy
on January 11th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
:+)
I can *so* totally tell your tone of voice and see your facial expressions as you tell this story. It is so fun to be able to do that. :+)
I think I might start calling you JEANNNNNNNN ifur! :+0
Love you,
Me
on January 11th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
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Yeah, Coie probably also thought the Eye Poofer Thing tickled and started snorting and squeeking.
I can totally see that….
on January 11th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
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Heehee, I'm just like you, Jess. I break EVERY orthodontist rule, but do what they say when I'm there…did you know that, Mom?
on January 11th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
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Okay, I could go on and on about how annoying it is to have doctors make you feel like you have no choices! We just had a baby and the hospital told us we could not leave with her after 24 hrs. because the dr. wnated to observe her for 48 hrs. (She didn't even have any problems.) We said, "Thankyouverymuch, but we can observe her at home." They told us that we COULD NOT take our baby home and that they were within their legal rights to stop us! After a couple of phone calls to the hospital administrators and a threat of legal action, we walked out with our baby. Grrrrr….. talk about stressful!
Myfriendconnie
http://www.smockityfrocks.blogspot.com
on January 11th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
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I totally agree with you about not being bullied by medical professionals. But I'm also curious why you wouldn't want the glaucoma test. I've been meaning to go in and get one, because glaucoma can develop and reach advanced stages silently until permanent vision damage results and even blindness. Glaucoma apparently runs in my family and typically starts in one's thirties…or at least it has for my relatives. So I know I need to go find someone to give me the test, and have this dread/feeling I'll test positive!
on January 11th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
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Dear Jen-
I hope you had a good day!
I dread doctors myself. Especially dentists. I've had lots of experience with them and I don't like them.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Love,
Maria
on January 11th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
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I went to the eye doctor about a month ago because I was seeing spots and starting to get migraines… If I had known what those evil eye drops were that the crazed little nurse pinned me down for, I would have begged for another migraine. I innocently asked, "Are those for dilating my pupils?" She said, with pleasure I might add, "No. These are eyeball numbing drops." ??? "Uhhh… can I ask why you have to numb my eyeball?" She said, with glee, "So we can touch your eyeball with this here pen to measure the pressure in your eye without you blinking!"
Was she serious? Is she going to cackle now and say, "Naah. Just kidding."
Yes. She was serious. They TOUCHED THE CENTER OF MY EYEBALL WITH A PEN THINGEE. Miraculously I didn't blink, but my eyelids felt like my lips after getting a cavity filled. If I drank through my eyes, I'm sure I would have drooled down my cheeks. I wondered if they drooped or something, but I didn't have a mirror. She actually warned me not to touch my eyes for twenty minutes in case I injured them. I thought of how many doofuses have sat there in the past, touching their numb eyeballs saying, "Duude… I still can't feel 'em" making it necessary for them to warn their patients. I just sat there and blinked thickly with the ten glaucoma patients in the "dark room" waiting my turn to be called back in for more exciting procedures.
Isn't medicine fun? I should think up some procedures and try to get them patented. Should make it a homeschool goal for 2008.
Love your blog.
~KH
on January 12th, 2008 at 10:23 am
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CT, if i were you, i'd totally get the test. sounds like there is a good reason for you to have it. i have done it several times and have zero history of it, etc. there are different types of the test… the eye poofer is most definitely the easiest and non-painfulish.
i will prob do it again within the next five years or so, but because of my history and small risk of ever getting it, i just don't think i need it every time i go in. YOU on the other hand, it sounds like it would be very beneficial, espcially if you've not had it before. go get it and tell me how it goes!
🙂
on January 12th, 2008 at 10:43 am
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Well, we got my Amazon order of the first 2 Kingdom books…the bottom line?
I was asked to buy the other books in the series. He spent all day reading the first one and said, "Now THAT was an exciting book!" Isn't that cute?
thanks for the review. I'm one of the few people that reviews actually work on.
Emily
thelearningneverstops.blogspot.com
on January 12th, 2008 at 11:22 am
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i'm glad emily! they are super great, aren't they?!
on January 12th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
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Oh I am so glad I'm not your doctor. I wouldn't take you either. I'm with Geoff.
on January 12th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
the accent & the test
When we first moved to NC in '04, my dad and I were at Lowe's one day together. The checkout lady asked me a question, and I had noooo idea what she'd said. Not a good feeling. I said, "Excuse me?" She repeated her question. Twice. I looked at my daddy. He gave me a slight shrug with an "I got nothin'" expression on his face. I dove right in, told the lady, "yes" and it must have been a good answer, cause we moved right thru the line. Then later, we drove thru Mc D's and my dad told the Mexican lady at the window she was the first person he'd understood since leaving Cali for his vacation. The lady just beamed with pleasure. 🙂 Now we've been here almost 4 years and we are acquiring very classy accents when it comes to our vowels.
Loved your post, though since my dad has glaucoma, I do the test even though I HATE it. There have been times the dr. himself has to come in and give me a pep talk about keeping my eyes open. One guy had to talk to me like I was 4. It worked.
on January 13th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
hey
I could so relate to this story, I can be the same way-I'm amazed at the people who say well the dr. yelled at me, what? who are they? My eye dr doesn't even do that test until you are elderly. You don't need it. Listen there I go telling you that you are smarter then they are, I guess I shouldn't encourage you. The other day I had to call a dr. for something and the receptionist insisted I tell her the problem, I asked are you a RN or DR. she said NO and so I politely said No, she was appalled. I don't have to tell the reception lady my medical issues, she said Well I can't give the message if I don't know what its about, I told her I doubted that and to please give my message to have someone call me back, a nurse called me back right back. What happened to privacy? Look you got me all fired up, lol!
Angela
on January 20th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
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LOL too funny. I'm that way at the dentist office… no my kids will NOT have fluoride, thank you. Only one doctor ever said.. "do whatever this nice paying lady says".
Thanks for taking the time to stop by my blog a few days ago.. this one or /curiouscat…
Denise