Well Hey There Little Fella

I can always tell when someone’s not reeeeeaaaal sure how prayer works when in interviews, or radio clips, people start off by saying something like, “I’m heartbroken that so-and-so was mortally wounded when the giant lunchbox fell from the sky, my prayers go out to their family“. I mean, I know what they’re trying to say, but it always makes me wonder if they know how prayer works. Unless you’re a pagan, you don’t send prayers ‘to their family’ you send out prayers ‘for their family’. I’m not judging, it’s just that I can’t help but notice. Ok, maybe I’m a little bit judging. Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to feel superior in their proper prayer vernacular?

Speaking of judging, I find myself often judging newscasters (not as much anymore since I stopped watching the news). But start looking for this and you’ll see it, too. There will be a story on some kooky fruitknob who goes on a shooting spree and you’ll always hear the same phrase uttered by the newscaster, “An innocent bystanders was shot today while ordering a frozen banana” or “Two innocent women watching the parade were hit by a xenophobe on a bicycle” or “a theater filled with innocent movie goers were surprised when-“

I’m waiting for the news reporter to cover the story like, “Today a a rather sketchy college student, who we know cheated on his SATs, was stabbed in a random act of violence.” But seriously, why does the word ‘innocent’ show up as a descriptive in every incident? I suppose it’s assumed if it’s not first mentioned that the people attacked were innocent, then the audience would look at each other, nod and say, “oh yeahhhhh, that group of people shopping at the outdoor Christmas market had it coming.” I mean, how dumb are we? If I see a story about some poor woman getting conked on the head by an escaped conivict while walking her dog, I’m generally going to assume she was ‘innocent’. My mind isn’t going to first jump to questions like, “Wait… was she a soldier walking her dog and this whole scenario was part of a war zone incident?” Duh, Ashley.

Speaking of Duh, Ashley, let’s end this by taking a trip back to the early 2000s and watch the best commercial ever created for the California State Fair.

One Response to “Well Hey There Little Fella”

  1. Julia Johnston says:

    Ha, you crack me up ❤️

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